The simpler life...

The teachers hate hongyi... they must... last yr, despite him obviously getting the highest average by a mile, i was undeservedly given the top of level 'honour'. this yr, mrs tobias mistake could have cost him yet another top of level award... lol... it seem like they are all so intent on making him not get it.

sometimes we can be a li'l too hard on hongyi too... he's 'expected' to get highest in everything, so we dun give him enuf credit for doing well. and when he dun top something, it seem like he have failed or something even though he could have done quite well 4 it. but it's kinda gd 4 me he's there cos it's very easy to juz push watever pressure to do well to him. not really fair to him, but...

also, have wanted to thank him here 4 some time but kept forgetting. thanks to him, i'm spared 2 marks in chem cos he pointed out an error on my paper even though i asked him bout another qn... arigato gozamasu! also, if tobias' mistake wasn't discovered, he would have missed the top in level by 2 marks, which he could have 'got' by not pointing out my error. how ironic that would be. but, alas, he's finally getting wat he deserved 4 his hard work after the teachers cruelly decided to take away his award last year, so i think it's fair time we gave him his due credit for getting these incredible results. no matter what happens, he's always our 'top in everything'

also, ash did extremely well this time round, so kudos to him. his 'boasts' did got on my nerves sometimes, but still, kudos to him. and i thought our class did pretty well 4 the prelims, so cheers too!

however, i'm kinda disappointed as well. not so much as to missing out on the top postion, but more on my english. i only expected a b3 at first, but the compre and guided got my hopes up with an a1 seemingly in sight. well, not that i expected to get 22 for my compo given that my content was poor, but i'm a li'l upset bout the comments ms ow gave. unconvincing, irrelevant... the content was weak, but i had thought and hoped my language would have pulled up my overall compo. but alas, there were underlines all over the place (is my phrasing and language really that bad?) and i did not get the 20 i expected... well, english is a subjective subject (pardon the pun) so i can only curse luck that ms ow didn't like my compo, but i'm a tad disappointed. oh well...

also, the way ms ow hammered alcott today further degraded my opinion of her. as again, i'd like to say that i think her teaching methods r quite gd and should raise the english standards of pple who were already proficient in it in the first place considerably, but her attitude doesn't impress me one bit. the debate 'fracas' had blemished my opinion of her, and how she hammered alcott for not doing well enuf did not do any help. it's one thing to be disappointed in the results, but to compare it with other pple and expecting them to do much better? now i'd like to see how she would defend herself after realising that the top was from alcott after all... we at bronte might be weaker in english and everything, but can we not get better results than her dear class? why izit that winning is so important to her? moreover, she's involved in the marking and organised the debate be4 this, so how r we gonna trust her in being fair if she lashes out so badly if her class 'loses'? how r we gonna value ur marking and comments?

so, i'm very thankful that i'm with bronte. sure, tobias and ms ten's drilling of the basics can get very boring (and on that, i think i might need to get a grammar bk... my prepositions seem kinda off) at times, but at least they understand that winning isn't everything. at least they value the process of everything and know that we have put in effort for it.

and talking bout the debate, it seem like our debate team did pretty well in english this time round. cheers! i dreaded debating in sec 3, but this yr's debate was fun and created some pleasant memories despite the hard work in preparation (and of course barring the ugly clashes with ms ow).

Juz had a short chat with jun liang on the mrt and left with many mixed feelings. he did not do well 4 the prelims and even though he's trying to hide it somehow, it's obvious that he's kinda upset bout it. i feel very sad for him, cos it juz makes me feel bout the futility of exams. why should our future and everything liie in results? juz how many hopes must they douse be4 can change this hard, cruel system? as much as i want to try console him and raise his spirits, i can't as i cannot speak from personal experience and i'm juz not a funny guy at all. i even feel kinda guilty that luck have blessed me with gd results this time round... what if i end up doing terribly despite putting in hard work next time... how will i feel? will i even be able to pick myself up from failures?

And as if i wasn't feeling down enough, i juz completed another episode of aishiteruze baby (3 more episodes left, but i dun want to see it end...). i luv the series and it really brought me to think bout many things. the first few episodes explored the topic of children growing up without their parents but it now turns out to be a lot more. Friendship, love, emotions and everything are embodied so nicely in yuzuyu, kippei, marika, kokoro and gang that i can't help thinking bout it. now can't wait for the next episodes to find out what exactly happened to kokoro-chin, but at the same time i still dun wanna see the series end. at least the new anime season is coming and hopefully i can catch a few quality series especially now that i only have tenshi no konamaiki and mammote shoggugoten left in addition to aishiteruze baby... i've probably devoted a lot of mentions to it, but it thoroughly deserves them. actually i think i might juz cry if i was a li'l more emotional... kokoro-chin...

Most results out, and i'm over the moon regarding them. very happy with my performance, so hoping my english can deliver that 'coup de grace'. dun think so though cos i thought my compo and guided was ho-hum and unspectacular at best. still, i've worked hard 4 the entire thing and i'm more than satisfied with the results. a li'l disappointed with chinese cos i put in quite some more effort than others but didn't go so well, but i shouldn't ask 4 anything more.

mr yeo seem to be getting all stressed up nowadays, so bad that i'm actually feeling a bit guilty of neglecting and giving up my bio. he is concerned bout us and our poor performance in the bio prelims, and its still very sad the situation his son is in. but i feel that he might be a li'l too worried (bout our results, btw). he should have been satisfied juz moderating all our marks instead of trying to find ways to give us more points. sure, it might seem like undeserved results if they r moderated, but the paper was way too tough anyway. definitely not anywhere close o level standards. and i think his expectations of the cambridge markers r too high. i dun think they will mark so strictly and be so much on the lookout for outstanding essays. u get the point and they'd promptly give u the mark i think. juz look at mr won's attitude towards cambridge markers and u can see how lenient he think they r...

so that's enuf bout exams 4 now (and i seem to have dedicate an entry too many to bio). still got so much backlog left to do now. haven't completed the ss/geog actually due today, still got the maths june papers and i'm slacking up on my chem tys... grr... now hoping the return of all the prelim marks will be the catalyst for the final sprint. i know how much this blog's turning out to be exams and studies and such, but that's my life i guess...

(Here's hoping all my friends do well and go to the jc of their choice so that i can play the role of the conformist...)

yesterday met with with some of the guys in sggamers 4 the first time for a birthday celebration 4 celestar/dion and doomyouji/adam at marche. still very new to the group (compared to those who knew each other 4 a few years) so given the shy, quiet me when i'm with strangers, i pretty much spent my time listening to them as they talk bout their history and such.

nevertheless, they r an interesting bunch of guys and i would sure like to join in on the gang more often. a few of them made a huge impression on me. titanus/thomas was like the big bro of the group, leading every1 in almost everything, kheldar/eugene was really humourous and a fun guy to b with, japrpg/mun chiew keep claiming he saw me be4 so in the end he kinda felt 'close', mystica/serena is gorgeous in real life (she really shoulda proceeded further in the next big thing) and many more... some really fun pple i'd definitely like to know more bout.

so that's it 4 now. wonder if i'd be able to make it to the sggamers chalet at the end of the yr...

Now to fill in on what i've wanted to blog bout the past few days.

first, biology. got back some of the papers, and while i'm happy that i'd probably pass, mr yeo's comments and how he said he's gonna prepare 4 the o levels with us make me detest bio again. he has passion in teaching and treats our class well, but so often a time i feel that he set his priorities wrong. the paper was set in such a non-standard way that the 'o's will not come within a mile of it, but that's all right since he didn't set it. however, he felt that what we're lacking is practice on the tys, but while that's true, his target of 5 completions of the tys is juz not practical. i can only envision bout 1 or 2 pple mayb finishing a quarter or it, so 5 times? he think we only study bio? and even then, i doubt many of us can complete it five times. he might have encouraged some pple, but under him i felt disillusioned bout bio (what with telling us not to write too much and be more to the point at times but on other occasions, telling us we should write special stuff to get 'bonus marks). and remember, everything is important. in every chapter, he'd say that that chapter will definitely come out during o levels and is hence, important... so how r we supposed to categorise which is more important?

he managed to motivate a few pple to really like bio, but sadly, i'm not one of those. worse, i developed a dislike for the subject. despite him telling us bio is interesting and such, my concept on it is such that it's a memory paper (and to think that i now view humanities subjects as relatively interesting and thinking). on one hand, i dun wanna say bad things bout him cos it's evident he'd gone out of the way for us and really have a passion, but somehow i juz felt that his teaching methods were ineffective.

nonetheless, i felt sad 4 him when he told us bout his son... as bad a teacher as he is, he's still a gd person, and certainly do not deserve to see his son (u can see that he loves his son very, very much) like that. i ain't religious, so i can't pray for him, but may his son be able to recover.

next up on my agenda is ambidexterity. been reading up on that and i've come to a conclusion: i'm so weird and different cos of neurology... i'm ambidextrous. many weirdos are ambidextrous, with the more famous ones being einstein and michaelangelo cos our minds are supposedly wired differently with the neuron connection between the right and left brain different from true right or left handers. i've always thought i'm a right hander because i write with my right and even with some effort can't seem to write with my left. however, it has always intrigued me that i'm naturally left-footed and play golf and tennis with my left. and how my coach have always regarded myself as a left hander despite me proclaiming otherwise (i shoot with my right hand!) have befounded me.

however, after reading bout it, it seems like i'm definitely ambidextrous, only more inclined to my right hand. few people are truly ambidextrous with no preference for any hand watsoever, but others seem more inclined to one hand in writing while using the other for sports. it's not the case like those really great people who can write with both hands simultaneously. so that explains why i always seem to think so differently from the rest. no more wondering if my childhood is somehow deprived or something which caused me to develop like this.

and finally, wanna complain bout our '2 week study break'. they call it two week but with the need to come back for two days, but that make it sounds as though they give us so much time. we should only come back for ten days without the break, but take out 2 days of school, one day for graduation day and 3 days for practical and we're left with 4 days of true study break... 4 out of 10... less than even 50%! sometimes it makes me wonder what's inside thp's mind. a vacuum or a place infested with rodents and bugs.

it's scary thinking that o levels r so close from now, but guess it'd take some time be4 i get back to hard work. for now, i juz hope that all the results will be out asap so that my mind can be put to rest. after, that, it'd be back to business and full speed ahead!

(WARNING: PEOPLE WHO MIGHT BE JUZ BROWSING THROUGH MY BLOG SHOULD JUST SHUN THIS ENTRY NOW. THIS ENTRY IS KIND OF LIKE A PERSONAL DEBATE WITH MYSELF SPECULATING BOUT THE FUTURE OF MANAGEMENT SIMS AND PROBABLY NO ONE WILL UNDERSTAND ALL THE JARGON I'M SPEWING HERE)

Even though i wanna talk bout my opinion on bio and mr yeo, i'd leave it till some other day cos i dun feel exactly like criticising pple now. so 4 now, let's have an entry dedicated to the something which have stolen so much of my life: football management sims.

i have never hid my luv 4 cm, and i doubt many can play til seasons 2030+ like this big, big fan of the series. however, this time round, 3 contenders for my time will be coming out in late october and early november (talk bout prep 4 the o levels... wonder if i can put off my greatest luv for a month...) and i have no idea which one would emerge triumphant.

first up we have championship manager 5. while no management game came close to cm in the past, they had always been under the stewardship of sports interactive. however, now that si had fallen out with eidos and a new, unproven developer (beautiful games izit?) is now at the helm. this make me really wonder if cm5 can continue with the true successor of cm03/04, the game i'm still hooked on after more than a year (now that's replayability and value 4 money). the screenshots look gd, and i liked what i saw 4 the tactics and training areas (though the match engine kinda disappointed a li'l), so all that's left is the gameplay, 100% the most important component of a game like this. will it be able to keep my attention, or will it juz shun me after a season or two? i really have no idea whether i'd be willing to invest my 50 dollars or so into the game.

next up is football manager 2005, sigame's work. and so far, i have the most confidence in it cos it will definitely rock (only a matter of whether other games will rock more). it is very much like cm 03/04 (and hence, quite like cm5 as well based on the screenshots), and the major improvement seem to be the media. as much as cm have gone from strength to strength in terms of media, it still lacks quite a far bit and a lot stems from my own imagination in making it so interesting (mayb that's the reason for it being so gripping). so, hopefully, this improvement will juz be that bit needed for enhancing the experience. as again, it'd definitely be gd, but will it be gd enuf?

last is lma manager 2005, making its debut on the pc after yrs of success on consoles. i still remember trying out the 2002 version on the psx (too bad i couldn't afford it then) and from what i've experienced it's a gd game. it take a different approach from cm, but it still works wonders as well. however, i've not been exposed to the 3d match engine for long so it will remain to be seen whether it can last a year of play without getting old. also, there's the transition to the pc which might pose some problems in terms of bugs, etc.

well, there's still total club mangager, but i can't forsee it ever reaching out to hardcore management fans. it's more like a game for players who like arcadey fifa and want to have more management options along with it. now, gotta wonder how i'd juggle my time between 3 differnt games which might all be quality. i would have to eventually stick to one and fulfil all my fantasies with it, but which one? i dun wanna spend bout $150 juz to confirm to myself the game i truly one. should i turn to piracy as a test be4 really purchasing my fave? it's great to have some quality competition and seeing which one will be the best, but this will pose a problem for financially limited consumers like me. may the best succeed and the game turn out to be as good as cm 03/04 where i can spend upwards of 350h (no exaggeration) on.

Lots to express this time round, so bear with me if i get a li'l long winded.

first off, today was horrible. this is actually one of those rare days which happen less than once a year where i actually felt gd bout going back to sch (at least i'm not the only one who juz want to end the torturous hopes, anticipation and prayers 4 the prelims), but turned out everything became an anticlimax.

NE quiz was fun, but took away one/two periods which could have been used to give out papers. then ms tan was only willing to give us a maths paper 1 and heightened the tension by saying we did horrible in paper 2. we did poorly, but what's the prob with not giving us our papers? then mr won wasn't in sch today, ms chan did her usual nagging, but this time on labelling our answers instead of what we wrote. so in the end, we have no idea how we did 4 humanities. at least tobias gave back eng compre and summary, but the compo and guided is less than halfway done which means more waiting. next mr choo decided not to come to class at all, be4 ms tan continued giving us more stress by proclaiming herself stressed by our performance without showing us how poor it was.

so, at the end, we were left with juz a few half papers given out and spent most of the day juz talking and talking until our mouths became strained. i used to luv free periods, but sadly, not this time round. mayb it might give me a few more days of feeling better, but i dun really like this kind of feeling. juz let us get done and over with it pls.

also, have to do those humanities qns i did not attempt this week. sigh... i juz dun feel like writing so soon after the prelims. i understand we need practice, but well...

next on my list of rants is prom night. i understand that some enthusiastic pple have put in a lot of effort into making this a reality, but i have to say i'm against it. i know it will probably agitate quite a lot of pple, but i'm gonna be one of those who would not be going. 300 sure seem a bit ambitious, but still gd luck 4 them in reaching the target.

but i juz hope that they will try understand pple like me. social activities r juz not my cup of tea. i've always dreaded and shunned camps, parties and bbqs, and with prom night seemingly like a lethal combination of the three, i really dun see myself enjoying it if i attend. sure, some pple say things go well if u're there and u can juz b there with ur frens with the food, but they told me that for camps, etc as well, and i have never enjoyed any one of them. 4 every few people who enjoy themselves thoroughly in that day, i envision one person being left out of the fun, sitting there all lonely by himself/herself, with all the action around reminding him/her how pathetic he/she is. i m bad off enuf without this reminder. and fun is subjective, so not everyone enjoys the same thing. sadly for me perhaps, i dun dig stuff like prom night. if u like it, then by all means i wish u a happy experience but pls dun make it sound like an obligation for me to attend an event which i feel does not really entertain me.

call me a failure, some1 who dun want to improve, a geek, dork, nerd or watever, but that's the way i m. and even though i said i want to conform, i m naturally stubborn and want to stick by what i feel, which is that this event isn't for me. mayb i'm wrong, but i kinda feel some of the girls' impression of prom night seem skewed. somehow i get that feeling that their idea stemmed from some teenage romance novel where u have this incredibly romantic ballroom dance at the end, etc, but i can safely say that those scenes will not happen in a place like singapore. we're juz not open enuf. ok, mayb they dun have this impression, but that's the idea some of them give me. i would luv to enjoy wat the 'mainstream' enjoy too, but that's not me and u shouldn't expect me to change.

and the price is a li'l expensive, but that's the least of my concerns. if somehow i can get interested in the prom night, i wouldn't mind spending that amount on it. it'd be worth it i guess 4 those who attend.

also, how do u have a prom night without cocktail? it's alcoholic, but the cocktail hotels serve r so dilute that no one would prob get drunk even if cocktail filled their whole digestive system right up to the oesophagus (gross exaggeration, but they r that dilute). if hotels overseas can willingly provide cocktail as a welcome drink to their guests (and i enjoyed helping myself to three or four glasses each time, greedy as i may b and as kiasu as i might look), how can they leave cocktail out of a prom night. who knows, if they provide that, i might juz be willing to go there 4 it. it's dilute, but it's still fine alcohol (white wine still beats it, but how often do i get to drink that?).

everything aside, i juz hope that those pple enthusiastic bout this prom night will b spare a li'l thought 4 pple like me. i'm sure they want it to be successful, they want the ballroom to be bustling with activity juz 4 the atmosphere, but even if we do really go there no one would notice. the overall effect is nice, but pls dun sacrifice the welfare of us juz to get that atmosphere. it's incredibly sad that these social wrecks like me occur in the world, but it'd be a task of astronimical proportions to change that fact. nevertheless, i'm wishing those who attend all the best and may that night be the night of their lives. dun bother with us coz it'd juz dampen ur spirit.

actually, my idea of a gathering would juz b a simpler event in a cafe/restaurant where frens juz sit around and talk our hearts out 4 that few hours. i feel it's more worthwhile coz interaction is heightened cos of the smaller group and lack of that grand occasion, so i hope we'd have that spirit and frenship to maybe someday organise such a thing. it'd be nice to meet up with old frens every now and there, and i certainly wish that the release of the o level results will not b our last time together. as much as i lament bout not finding a true fren and such, my classmates through the yrs have been gd, no, great pple, and i dun wanna break our bond so simply.

i still got more to say, what bout expository writing, ambidexterity (in the literal sense) and being unconventional, but i think i've blogged enuf for today. way, way more than enuf. mayb i'd fill up on them some other day when i feel the urge.

I came here thinking i'd blog bout the quality time with my pc the past few days but found myself juz going round and round without making much point. so with a 'ctrl-a' followed by a '<-' i found myself with nth to blog bout. i really care bout this blog of mind (i might juz cry if somehow the blogger server go bonkers one day and my backup on my hdd juz coincidentally got deleted or sth) so i dun wanna fill it up with useless stuff and devalue it.

and talking bout that, sometimes i juz detest pple who keep a blog juz cos their friends do and they wanna conform. it's easy spotting those pple, seeing how their blogs r filled with brainless regurgitations of their life and plainly trying to act cute/cool.

i'm also pretty surprised how some pple can leave their previous blogs alone and start a new one wihout making any effort to transfer the posts. dun those entries mean anything to them? aren't they a part of their memories and thoughts? the only reason i can think of is that they r like the pple described in the previous paragraph so obviously the meaningless posts mean nth to them.

therefore, to every1 who might b reading my blog, make urs a meaningful one and one that truly captures what u want to portray. cherish them cos they can be really powerful tools (can't think of a better noun...) u never know if one day ur blog might juz motivate a person who juz happen to stumble onto it. this comes from personal experience as some blogs had really encouraged me, so here's a big thank you for those strangers whose blogs had made a difference to me.

prelims are over, but unlike almost every1 else out there enjoying themselves, i'm not feeling so great (well, i expected it, but...) sure, i needed the break from all the studying but with the o levels still looming over, i can't juz put everything down and enjoy. so here i m, dunno what to blog bout coz my life got even more two dimensional after the prelims.

but i'm surprised how tired i was after the prelims. i took a long, long nap (3 to 8) and slept way too early at 10 on friday, which goes to show how much sleep i need. sure, those people who sleep until 12 every day might not see this as anything special, but 4 someone like me who clocks bout 4-6h every day, this is a lot.

so now that sleep's over, it's back to my usual lifestyle, me, my computer and i together 4 the whole day. i've been gaming a lot, but somehow the satisfaction isn't there. it's really not that fun relaxing when there's still something at the back of ur head.

so two more days to go be4 we go back to sch and get our results while i return to my conquest on the tys-es. wonder how bored i'd become...

and as a footnote, conversations with terence nowadays seem so much like talking to a primary sch kid. somehow his way of thinking seem so childish to a certain extent and the way he prioritize things seem so much like me 5 or 6 years back. ash agreed too that sometimes he seem so much like a child, but nowadays it's getting worse and worse... exam stress?

i'd prob remember terence fondly for the rest of my life for being this extremely funny (cos of the stupid things he do, mind u) guy who always does things that amazes u. somehow when u think he'd done the most stupid thing in the world, he'd challenge u and do something worse.

but that aside, his train of thoughts really seem like me years ago. that time, i gauged happiness with simple, materialistic gains and sought to achieve them, thinking that i'd be happy once i've got them. i tried, and did acquire some of them, but still, at the end of the day, i felt like i'm missing something. something was still missing even though i'm supposed to be happy having these things.

hence, i thought for a long time, and now, i'm still on my 'mission' to attain eternal bliss, hence the title of my blog. i dun want to be jubilant/delirous, etc, juz plain satisfied with whatever i have... bliss... the ultimate stage of happiness where u're so happy u dun need to jump around for joy and such. spritually happy that u're comfortable and pleased to remain in that state without the need to seek for more.

kinda reminds me of that short 'debate' i had with miss ten as to whether bliss or delirous was 'more intense happiness'. as usual, this seems to be going nowhere, so i'd end of here. may i one day reach nirvana...

I dun feel gd at all, not gd at all... not as in sick or depressed, but juz angry. angry with the whole world and every1 in it. i hate it when pple remind me bout what i already know, i hate it when pple totally disregard ur ideas as wrong without leaving room for their own errors, i hate it when pple do not leave my own things to myself and doubt my planning... i really shouldn't, but i hate everything now.

and last day tml be4 we get that long weekend to relax be4 the sprint to the 'o's. while i was feeling pretty gd after chem, i juz couldn't bring myself to study today. i was struggling with my a maths (how can nov 2002 be so hard after i've finished the whole tys?), making careless mistakes and seemingly losing the attention for detail. mayb it's juz cos i'm tired after 2 long papers, but if i continue this horrible 'form', i won't do well enuf.

and sadly, i've kinda slacked up on chinese. only started today despite trying to slot in time for it earlier, and could only finish the newer words we learnt. i totally could not concentrate. i'm actually banking on it pretty much, what with the horrible sciences and how most of the a1-calibre pple are gone, but now i dunno. hope other pple dun work so hard as well?

and while i can't wait to stop this mindless act, i ain't really aniticipating the long weekend. i need a break, but juz not this kind. somehow, even if i'm letting it go and relax myself during the next few days, i dun see myself really resting well enuf. always at the back of my mind will be the o levels and also anxiety bout how the prelims will turn out. i can't wait to get back my results regardless of how gd or bad things turned out, but looks like i gotta wait till wednesday.

i'm scared, naturally of it. some pple say that the o levels are more important but personally i view the prelim as more crucial. these exams will determine which jc i go to during the 3 months while the 'o's for me will juz see whether i can stay there. even if i do score a lot better in my o levels, i dun see myself transferring. i'm juz gonna get into a jc and stay there unless the conditions r really horrible. well, it's basically up to fate now so all the best 4 me, myself and everyone around me. at least i ain't feeling so cooped up now...

So sad my original plan for bio practical was botched. was hoping for a 'standard' pratical paper (draw a 'standard' food, do food tests on it, etc) and i'd make my point by not touching the specimens andnot doing any experiments, and juz filling up the spaces with all the 'model answers'. i've always detested bio practical (you should never call the things we do in it experiments) and this time, i've really studied for it hoping that i can use the exam platform to show my stand. juz too bad they came up with sth different.

and as if i dun know that, it seems like the way i learn and go about doing things r so much different from other pple. my study method of linking concepts here and there, making my own notes, drawing mindmaps, etc r already kinda weird and sometimes the way i tackle maths question can be very much different from others. but i'm a li'l surprised no one tasted the three solutions or ate the apple and potato juz to confirm their results... and to differentiate between solutions 1 and 3, i even tore up 2cm3 of the pods in the other part of the experiment and put them into the two solutions to see which one expanded more. so sad both expanded almost equally. mayb that's juz the way i work...

As much as i want to complain bout the physics prelims, i'm juz gonna stop at saying it's horrible. the last time i stopped bloggin 'cos it was becoming too much of an 'examination report' so not gonna fall into the same trap again. but still, confidence on a low after it...

nth much now except for some rants on anime and manga... so sad aishiteruze baby's gonna end... kokoro-chin... it's kinda rare that i like a drama and slow moving anime (though it's still bishoujo, but never liked slow, touchy ones) but this ranks right up there with the best for me... it's gonna take sth special to replace it.

other than that, it's my staple of slapstick comedies. i think too much already, so i usually turn to the computer to think less, and comedies r the way to do that. it's kinda tough finding a really funny one (love hina, kero kero chime, tenshi no konamaiki and midori no hibi's juz the few i've found really gd) but at least they do a gd enuf job of the occasional laugh. but i'm still stuck to midori no hibi (manga now).. it's so funny, and i swear i'm wearing this grin whenever i'm reading it.

sadly, my japanese hasn't improved much even though it's been more than a year since i've started watching subbed animes. except for a few basic words and phrases, i am nowhere near understanding it... grr... and manga's even worse. i dun like chinese ones cause my chinese suck and the names sound way off the originals, so i'm still sticking to eng. really want to learn reading japanese sometime soon so that i can widen my gaming and anime scope. maybe i'd take up some lessons during the hols?

What a way to prepare for the resumption of prelims... went swimming in the morning, then went to have a haircut, before going shopping for the afternoon at funan and sim lim... (kinda funny how shopping to me means electronics when it is generally for clothes when others r concerned...)

well, at least i got around and browsed through a fair number of qns in the tys (2/3 per chapter dun seem much but take damn lot of time), so again, hope things will go well... i need to leave much less things to hope next time. and to think i promised myself be4 the break i'm not gonna enter a paper unprepared... really need to make fewer empty promises. makes me wonder how i'm gonna carry out my 'plan' of not studying totally when the o levels start... 1+ mnth all i have after this, so really gotta buck up.

also, mooncake festival coming... can't wait til my parents go buy the mooncakes. i must be one of the juz 369 pple in singapore who eats four-yolk mooncakes, so can't juz buy some plain, unfulfilling mooncakes sold in 'normal' places... 4-yolks the way to go, so more pple should really try it. how do they eat those mooncakes without any 'flavor'?

this comic juz nailed it for me, so here's a post juz dedicated to it... now to learn how to make that expression...

these things always happen, don't they? after losing 2 amaths tys, 2 amaths textbook, one emaths txt, an emaths tys, a bio txt and 2 chem tys, i lost my physics tys, juz 2 days be4 the physics prelims. hmm... bad omen? wondering whether i should buy a new one juz to study tml.

and talking bout physics, the questions always seem so tough because of their phrasing. the same question can have multiple possible answers, so which is the one the teachers want this time? for example, they will ask why a person cannot hear an echo when he claps in front of a wall. sometimes the correct answer is because he is clapping at such a timing that a clap coincides with the echo, hence no echo can be heard while reverberation is the answer in other situations... how to answer? so as a result, the best exam skill is to be kiasu and juz spew out everything u know related to the question, but they never give enough space. izit my fault i have this mammoth handwriting? why can't they juz be a li'l more direct

now on big handwriting, it seems like all the subjects seem to be out against pple like me.

first, they never provide enough writing paper during exams (i must have been the only one during mid yr exams to ask 4 extra foolscap for every single exam using it)

next, emaths never give you enough space during paper 1, and still expect you to show all your workings clearly. as a result, i always have to either skip some steps (which results in marks deducted) or have arrows pointing here and there (which also results in marks deducted because of untidiness)... grr...

and bio practical is even worse... how do you make a LARGE, labelled diagram in the space provided when they give you less than half the page. my labels can't even fit nicely enough on the sides, much less the pictures. and to think mr yeo actually thought i was playing a fool with my huge drawing during our first drawing assignment on the villi.

izit my fault that i like my things BIG? (forget i said that, dun wanna have a BIG gf... 'P)

hmmm, these so called exam skills... papers like eng compo, and humanities is bout writing the most you can during the time given, but others like the maths and sciences are more bout being the most kiasu guy and spewing out everything. sure, orgainisation skills, etc is a bonus but u dun get no marks if u dun have the points the teacher want...

Really sian, so decided to pop over yet again.
already studied 5h today, so more than enuf 4 me, played juz bout every game i felt like playing, caught up with my animes, visited basically all the websites i know, and here i m, having nth to do, nth to expect and juz going bout everyday mindlessly.

maybe i'd let my thoughts juz ramble a li'l bit, but today's not the day for philosophies, reflections and such... hmmm...

juz completed mario golf (wasn't that fast), so as usual, my game recommendation... i juz bout got it earlier on, a li'l too easy, but easily one of the best golf games around (and definitely the best for the gba). nothing to really praise bout it though, so guess it didn't do so well 4 me. now that's 60 bucks down in a week... gotta stop gaming so fervently...

let's continue with my rants... lma manager coming to pc on october, so that's a game to look out for, though i'd like to see how it'd fare with football manager 2005 coming up as well... i think i might have lost bout a year playing cm from cm3 onwards, so it'd take a great game to beat those guys from sigames...

ah, enuf for today, since i'm going nowhere again... maybe i'd juz read through my geog txtbk and try to sleep... if only they taped ms chan or mr yeo's lesson to go along with it. the perfect cure for insomnia...

Physics on monday, but i have not even touched my textbook... really gotta buck up... i still have to at least do some tys qns and look through the other school prelim papers after reading the txtbk... ah, someone help me...

read through my 20+ posts yesterday during the revamp, and somehow they felt really shallow. i juz wonder how those pple can make their blogs so thought provoking, while others can inject that wonderful sense of humor in it... guess i'm juz not gd with words...

and really it's time to keep my posts shorter and easier on the eyes... k, so(h)... signing of here... (i dunno y i even blogged given this lack of content, but at least i'm making an effort to update more frequently ain't i)

It's a revamp oh well, but not what i thought or intended... juz lazy old me... sure, creating a whole script is tiring and will take way to long, but surely slapping a cms and juz customising a li'l won't trouble me too much, will it? nah...

so, decided to clean up the mess here a li'l. a new template, titles (it's kinda tough trying to think of short, catchy titles embodying the content of a blog) and a li'l clean up here and there should do this blog fine until i decide to finally get down and create a website. sure, as i say, no one's prob gonna read this but having a li'l 'shrine' juz dedicated to urself, reminding some souls out there of ur existence in this sea of futility.

until then, bear with me here... this started out as a place to juz throw all my thoughts and feelings into, and i originally did not care a heck bout it's tidiness or such. it was juz some place where i can let my guard down, pen down what i really feel and get that load off, all while keeping it relatively save from some hideous things out there and also keeping a record for future reflections. now, it's starting to become more and more precious to me, so...

i hereby promise myself to never clear these files or edit its content, and bring it over to my new webbie if i do have it done. If some1 one day is browsing through the archives of this poor soul down here, u know that what is here is 100% genuine. if there's something i'm uncomfortable with saying it'd juz leave it out, so there u go, me in a nutshell here, always looking for eternal bliss, hoping there'd be the day i'd never wake up from my everlasting sleep

I dunno, but this blog is turning out to be more than what i thought it would be. it's becoming a gd way to express myself sometimes, so if this continues, i'm defnitely not gonner stick with blogger. maybe some time soon i might create my own script or maybe juz use a cms... at least it's much more customisable than this here.

again, catching up on other pple's blogs again, and sometimes they do provide some inspiration for myself. so, even though prob no one will ever read this, i'd juz keep this public so that maybe one day some1 might stumble over it and find something out of it. it's not exactly well worded like some blogs, not humourous like others and dun really shed much bout my physical life, but still, it's something by yours truly.

so, guess it's back to rants and laments and more trivial things so that i can update more frequently. as usual, library today but can't seem to concentrate, leaving after juz 3 hours. starting to get off the pace from my plan, and i think my phy and chem revision will really be affected. still, juz to try reassure myself, i hope that i'd do well enuf cos i have been relatively attentive in classes, picking up things quite well and have did a decent number of other school's papers. hopefully that, coupled with a li'l more studying and browsing through of the tys-es are enuf.

apart from that, it's game recommendation time again. this time, it's Shining Force: Ressurection of the Dark Dragon for the GBA. juz completed it (i've actually gamed more during this exam period) and it's a great strategy rpg for those who dig this genre. sure, tactics ogre, ffta and fire emblem might beat it in terms of depth, and it is on the easy side, but still it manages to engage and that can only be good.

now going on to mario golf, which is gd but a li'l disappinting if u ask me. haven't completed it yet so can't give a verdict for now but still, it's one of the best golf games around. also started playing cm again, and on i go from year 2030+... let's see how many years this will drag on to. it's juz such a wonderful game, cm, and somehow u feel as if u're the manager really. maybe i'm juz too dreamy and have a great imagination but u'd be surprised at how much i talk to myself and 'hallucinate' while playing it. it's juz such a great game... my fave.

definitely not a good day today... early in the morning was feeling pissed for not much reason with my mom for trying to wake me up prematurely and reminding me of the time (i really shouldn't, but...), then had to endure those horrible, accursed, good-for-nothing smokers (if there's anything i hate most it's most prob smokers who smoke in public) on the way to school. nose wasn't feeling too well already and for god's sake we had to use 4e6, chalk-filled with dust and dirt all over. so, there my whole day was, down with a runny nose cos of my sensitive nose.

so, had to skip studying in the library for today and couldn't even bring myself to play a few games at home. no reason y, but started reading some other people's blogs and their archives and, well, gotta say it really made me think.

as usual, i was made to think bout my past few years in zhonghua and during the initial part of the archives, my feelings were those of disappointment... disappointment with myself for making my life such a rout it is. i got my priorities wrong, but that's all right. i failed terribly in the bball team despite thinking i've showed some promise initially, but again, that's fine with me. i didn't shoulder much responsibility, but yet again that's alrite. i've expressed it in one of the previous blogs, and really, i hated my social life.

y izit that i have yet to find a true friend, one i can really trust and confide all my most private secrets to, one i can bank on being there when i'm down, ready to help me along. (jun liang's been a gd friend, but somehow, the last part juz isn't there. i'm more comfortable babbling along with him instead of pouring out my troubles and such)? why izit my relationships with so many people around me all end up so shallow and meaningless?

somehow, something juz doesn't click. ashleigh and terence come close sometimes, but there's still a long way to go. ashleigh can be a really good friend when he's serious and frank, but 95% of the time he is juz up to his tricks and can be sometimes annoying. terence occasionally seem like it too, but more often it's his random insanity and 'noob/pwn' way of thinking. i'm rather comfortable around zhiliang, vinnie, eric, aaron, likkhian and some other guys too, but again, the interaction juz seem more like passing acquantances. they've been good friends, i'd say, but not the true one i've been looking 4.

sometimes i really need that someone for me to release all those thoughts i've always held next to my heart. someone who can reassure me when i'm down and share my joys and sorrow along the way. someone i dun feel obliged to be what i'm not. someone who'd accept me as i am. a true friend and a true love, along with a comfortable life together with my love is all i hope for, and i'd happily die in bliss if i get to experience that in my life. i dun mind things going against me if i can go to sleep everyday knowing that this woman i truly love will always be beside me, supporting me all the way (of course, and a true friend too)...

I guess i'm not making too much sense, but i'm not too good with words, especially feelings, so bare with it.

the other thing i truly regret is the inability to find a true mentor. when i look back at my teachers and even my bball coach, somehow i regret that no one has been willing to take me under their wing and really try develop me to my fullest. they've mostly been more than good, excellent even, but sometimes u juz need that special someone.

i've never struggled with my studies, so teachers think i'm fine on my own i guess, but sometimes i kinda wish someone will be more than a teacher, advise me on things more than studies, give me earnest, frank opinions and suggestions, and generally be a guiding light for me, motivating me to be my best. somehow it always seem that the teachers seem more comfortable being mentors to the girls (though it might juz be a typical case where everyone else seem so much better than urself).

the same kinda goes for my bball coach. mentioned bout him a few times already, but i wanna make it clear again that i respect him a lot and still think that he's a very good coach. he's a responsible guy, humorous at times and have led the team to great achivements so all credit to him. however, as so often the case, i always feel sad that he could not be that fabulous, fantastic coach for me.

i dun like this, but i wanna feel important, wanna feel that i'm of value and can contribute something special to the team, school or whatever i'm in. i've had no prob with that in kebun bahru, but in the bball team sometimes i think that if the coach could make me feel that way i might juz break into the team. there have been a few times i wanna go up to him and ask him to give a frank assessment of myself but i've always not done so, so well... i really dunno how to express them in words, so let's juz leave it as it.

now, i have come to a decision that i WILL CONFORM. i've followed pple's suggestion of not doing so, going to zhonghua, joining the bball team, or juz going bout my way of life but this seem to have a bad effect socially especially given my poor social skills. so this time's exam i'm gonna work hard to try get good results juz to prove to myself that i can do it if i put my heart to it but choose my jc base on my friends. doesn't sound too good, but i believe that's the best for me. i dun expect the jc i join to revolve round me and go out of it's way to make myself accepted so i gotta do things myself. i've promised myself that i will not allow myself to continue my horrible lifestyle and attitude in jc and i believe conforming might be one of the methods that might work. i dun wanna start all over again like i've done in zhonghua only to find myself still lacking so much. i still hope to find that true friend and special someone, and i guess jc and uni might be the last chances left for me.

speaking of results, i now see the another side of how pple feel bout results and such. i'm more laid back in the sense that i dun really put so much emphasis on results and being the best, and it did surprise me a li'l while i'm reading the blogs that some pple do care a lot bout their studies. they wanna excel and prove that they are capable and better than others.

for three and a half years in zhonghua i have really slacked and i'm rather fortunate to not have to struggle. but now, i wanna work hard and get my results juz to prove to myself and get some self confidence booster. it's kinda like telling urself u can be the best if u do it. after that, if i do do well (hopefully so) i guess it'd be back to slacking and 'pass-will-do-fine' mentality for me.

i've always believe in hard work paying off and i hope to see it. but that brings me to the debate. while other pple have said bout bronte being on our best during our debate with alcott, i feel that i have given off my best during the finals and i have no regrets with it. i'm kinda disappinted, really, that the judges didn't think so and i had quite some criticisms from them. i thought i really showed up then and put up the best i could have. it's a gd experience somehow despite losing and being given the honour of 'second-worst speaker' on stage, i felt i have the ability to really perform during the critical moment. so, no regrets for me...

really, i dunno wat i'm typing right now... it's been super long, full of rants not exactly worded to what i think but i actually still have more to say.

the second part of reading ****'s blog brought me to assess myself. i have thought that i have not shirked responsibility when it's there but seems like different pple had different views. i had not factored in how much more some other pple did. hmmm... i promise myself, come this dec holidays, i'm gonna do my part in whatever 2e7-02 and 4e1 is planning. i will assume greater responsibility and i do not want to let anyone down. juz let that be a possible final hurray for everyone... i'm almost surely not going for prom, so i'm banking everything on the possible chalets.

linking again, it's now on 2e7, i class i truly hated to the core. i really detested the attitude (bo chap, self centered, individualistic), learning spirit (nobody asking or answering questions in class, being horrible 'dead', scorning more 'enthusiatic' people who ask questions like me) and everything bout it. everything except the pple who r a pretty gd bunch. it's juz too bad we got placed in the same class and under a teacher like zhang who totally spoiled everything. i thought the seating arrangement she had was the worst thing on earth, totally spoiling any little hope of class interaction with teachers.

i especially loathed my place... izyana, daphne and kelvin soo are a li'l too quiet for a shy and 'man-of-not-so-many-words' person like me to engage in extended conversation, ying hui is too dreamy and bee fang... (let's not talk bout it). at least when yan da came over we juz engaged in mindless banter the whole day. not the best, but at least it spared me from all the coop up i've got from sitting at that accursed place.

and my, come exam time the attitude is the most atrocious i've seen. combine zhihao, hongyi and co and you have memory fest the morning before a test/exam. this is definitely not the way to study imo and i really hated it. these times i would juz walk off and take a stroll, thinking bout things but turns out many pple thinks it's 'act sei' (well, according to ashleigh, and he said it in a pretty honest and frank tone... at least if terence said that i wouldn't have mind)...

ahhh, i'm going nowhere... juz gonna end off this obscenely huge entry... i thought it'd be a li'l more thoughtful given how i've thought over it but these things juz dun translate into words i guess... hmmm....

# posted by Kelvin @ 10:11 PM 0 comments

again, my lack of updates mainly cos i'm unwilling to come here though i've quite a lot to say, so this'd be a long one to cover all my grievances...

first the bio prelim paper... sure, i didn't try hard at all, but i expected myself to have done enough for a pass and perhaps a b but the test proved really horrible... wonder which freaks can get an a1 out of that paper. but tough is one thing, it's another thing altogether to set papers like this. looks like the bio teachers are dead set on 'killing us' and want to differentiate the thinking and hardworking ones. while i would have liked this kind of paper compared to 'standard' ones anytime, this is juz not the time. prelims r for preparation for the o levels, so imo tan seow lan and mr yeo got it all wrong this time... o levels are to differentiate the better from the worst, the more hardworking from the lazy ones, not the super-duper thinking dudes from the less-super-duper people. this isn't social studies where you have to link here and link there and pick out your own links... this is biology... at least o levels will not be like this, so i think i'm gonna study hard for the 'o's but take whatever bio lessons we have in sch with a pinch of salt.

next up the physics pratical, and it's even worse than the titration for chem. i'm absolutely certain i'd fail the second part of the experiment, so well, juz hope as many people fail with me as possible so that they'd moderate it (;P)

so here i am, devoting 4 hours everyday to studying, under my new philosophy of studying... good results isn't a matter of how little you slack but how productive you spend your time studying. i'm still playing a lot of games, etc, but i think i've put in my hard work so hope the prelims will turn out fine. i'm kinda slacking, 4 sure, but as always, i want to walk into the hall trusting myself that i can do it. i've studied really hard for geog (today will mark 2 times through) so i hope my combined humanities will do really well... maths i must do well after the amount of hard work and effort i'd put in (not juz an a1, i want to ace it!)... the only prob now is the sciences... don't really know how to study... read through the textbook, do those other school papers, do some tys... how? there's definitely not enuf time to embark on tys no. 3 and 4 now, so i can only pick a few qns... hmm... and chinese too... given how bad the sciences were, bio and the praticals, i might very well need it.

but enuf of exams. now on to my next complain. somehow, i always seem to sit close to some mother with her primary school kid at the library, and i have to say i m really disappointed with these mothers.
ok, so the first one, going through eng compre cloze with her daughter. there she was, checking through, and whenever there's a mistake, it's "how can you use here? how? your english is so atrocious, use this word here..." in the you're expected to know this tone. juz complaining, complaining and complaining about how lousy her daughter's english is without explaining what's wrong. you mean you though her how to use all the words in the dictionary? you mean the child is supposed to know what's right everytime? i really hate this kind of teaching method, which really inhibits learning. and the girl is still there, so hardworking, asking her mother how to use certain words while the woman juz kept complaining bout her poor english. not that her english is very good, what with the missing 'th' and 'ed' sounds.

so next, was another mother with her son this time. at least this mother isn't so bad imo... she is pretty good at explaining things to her son and do share some light moments with him, but when her son was a little slow in understanding things, she used that oh-so-hideous tone again an threatened him with physical punishment, etc.

for both cases, i think the mothers are really inhibiting learning and not providing a learning environment and attitude for the child. they're still young, and bound to make mistakes, so patience is key for their learning. if you go on with this attitude towars them, they'd juz come to dread learning and when they can stop this journey, they'd gladly do. that's not lifelong learning and they would have lost their thirst for new knowledge. for that, i'm thankful to my parents for largely allowing me to learn on my own. sure, they do nag at times for me to study, but they appreciate that i like to learn at my own pace...
and while other people are complaining bout a lack of life due to the prelims, i actually think my life is enriched because of it. for some reason, i'm finding more meaning in life nowadays, esp the period leading to the exams. sure, it's a chore having to study, study, and revise, everyday jus going to sch, then ssp then the library for me, but the new knowledge is always gd to have and i actually kinda like studying now...

i think i actually had more to say when i came here, but can't think of it now, and library's opening soon and i'd have to be there. so so long 4 today...

# posted by Kelvin @ 11:13 AM 0 comments

looks like it'd be some time since i last blogged... prelims, so really nth to say... it's juz studying, exam and some horrible slacking so unless i want to blog bout how boring oh exams went (my blog's boring enuf already without it) i have nth else to talk bout.

but well, since i'm here let's juz talk bout the prelims. surprisingly, it didn't feel that 'important' even though it really is and i m guilty of slacking a whole lot. but at least i've worked hard earlier on, so hope all goes well. english was horrible, but for everybody as well. guess they have to moderate and i hope i'd get a decent enuf mark (b3? a2?) after that. hope it won't slip under that

then there's ss. i started revisions really early, but till the crucial last one or two days i really slacked. but in the end, told myself to believe in my hard work and after the exam, it felt quite gd actually. it was tough, but i have high hopes for it.

then there's a maths, which i've put in a super lot of effort (tys almost done!) it went alrite, and so far i've only found that i've got one part of the question wrong. really hope to ace both my maths...

so bio tml, the subject i've given up on. haven't even finish reading the txtbk, so dun expect to get too high. but after reading through some parts, bio doesn't seem so bad after all. really, if only somehow i didn't get this feeling of detest for bio, i might actually have studied quite hard and consequently b better prepared. i kinda feel sad. mr yeo isn't that bd actually... u can see he has a passion for teaching and he tries his best for us, but at the end of the day, i guess it juz doesn't cut. i juz dun like the way we r made to study bio, so this will be the result. maybe i can find more motivation be4 prelims and study hard for it...

so hope's the word again. after the 1 wk 'holiday' hopefully it'd be more of confidence and preparedness. may all go well!