The simpler life...

just saw the photos they took last sat. how nice to send me. looks like they had fun... a real pity i couldn't make it. darn. my luck. would have been nice to catch up. i still meet up with some of them but it's the class thingy. oh well... i didn't leave a note for ms chan. but hope vinnie sent my regards. i'm just not one to put things down in words (and here i am blogging. the irony). some things, many things are better just left alone needing no explanation

something seemed to have struck me looking at the photos. i dunno what. but hmm... seems like i've been living a life that's not mine for the past half a year or year. i've blamed it on army, how there was no time after the exams before enlistment, how bmt sucked the life out of me. but i think in the end it was just silly ol' me, living in the little fantasy world in my head. only this time it's not just in my head. no turning back now. leopard can never change its spots. that's why i'm slowly going back into that comfort shell. it took until only today that i realised that it's not so much of mp giving back the life bmt took away from me. it's the novelty of the fictitious world that looked so magnificent, so green on the other side of the fence. sure, leopard can never change its spots, but it can sure develop a few more permanent scars
(okay, so scars wasn't the right word. the connotation of sth bad. but i can't think of anything else that's permenant and added on after time)

one day all of the lies aren't gonna cover no more. and tt day i'd pay for living the life that was never meant to be mine

Been almost half a year since i've got the chance to do this... just surfing around the internet with nary a care bout the rest of the world. just clicking here and there, doing stupid googling and simply reading leisurely... and so i'm having the oh-holy 8 to 5 job. at least for this week. and to think back bout how magnificent it seemed during bmt. shaun was commenting how it isn't as good as it's seems. i'm not complaining. it feels like school all over again. and as much as i didn't exactly like school army (and esp bmt) has taught me that school life is just so much more fun. seems like i won't be going platoon 3 after all. sad. i guess i was alright with anything at first. but to have hopes played up only to find it's just a hoax. so i really failed the polygraph test cos of that stupid reaction? so i get nth out of feeling so insulted on that day heh. nvm. i'd look at the good sides of wherever i'm going.

things we saw today are just so cool. ok, i'd do better than shaun here and stop at that. eye opener i guess. really proud to be an mp. i could have so easily be stuck with some shitty job after taking the roll of the dice and ticking no that fateful day. i must really be thankful i'm so lucky. seems like ash and aaron are getting it bad. zhenhao too. but at least he seems to be making the best out of it.

and i was just thinking when booking out i should sleep early. been quite tired this few days. oh well. just one of those days i don't wanna go to sleep and move on to the next day. those days where i just want to slack around and leave all problems, worries, obligations, commitments and essentially all contact with the rest of the world at one side. i guess i never like to face up to reality until the very last moment when it's staring right at my face

I'm just such a commitmentphobe

(hmm, i think that isn't the right word. but oh well)

Hmm... Feels weird to be back here. but here i am. It's been some time. A long time. Hmm... I can't seem to decide where to start. Loads of things happened in the one year plus of 'exile'. it certainly seemed longer than that. i wonder what made me come back here again. there've been on-off occassions when i was tempted to blog again following that last entry but the feeling was always just fleeting and never really strong enough such that i'd do sth bout it. but somehow upon the urge has been more prevelent for the past month of so. So many things i have wanted to gush about. but i guess i'd just leave them as mere thoughts of those moments

endings mark new beginnings. it's prob apt then that i'm restarting this blog again today. Last day at Mowbray camp. slowly it's starting to sink in. the realisation that i'd prob never see it again. it's been a nice place. some place i would actually say feel like a second home. AJ never felt like one. Tekong was nowhere near the letter H. and i'm surprised i'm actually saying that i'm gonna miss an army camp. i must say MP was the best thing that could have happened to me for my NS life. now that i think back bout last times before enlisting. amidst all the comments about wanting to chao-keng, down-pes, etc, when pple ask me where i want to go i'd say not infantry. then i think bout other vocations i know of... medic. no way, combat medics have it real tough with the stretcher along with everything else. signaller. the freaking heavy signal set. engineers. building bridges sound like hard work... who would have known i really got my wish.

bmt has been tough. ultimately i got through it no problem but i could say i hardly enjoyed a minute of it. all the mindless stuff here and there, everything driven by fear and punishment. and then i shrunk back into my shell. never been the most outspoken of people, but i think for the last couple of years i have been slowly loosening up, less fearful of speaking up, etc. to think all gone to waste in a matter of a few weeks. i guess it's the way i handle my problems. i guess it's kinda normal too, just a li'l bit extreme cos read somewhere guys tend to retreat into their caves and mull things over before coming out only when they've solved the problem. finally feeling human again after posting out. but sometimes when talking i can't help but notice myself. i wonder what happened. sure hope it can improve

so now a new journey in gombak... can't say i'm happy bout it. but then again there's really no posting in mind which i can think of which is available and i'd like better. would love to go to isb or sembawang air base (if only just for the proximity) but sadly, nope. oh well.. if there's one thing i've found most useful in life,

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. I'm certainly keeping track of mine.