Wednesday, February 22, 2006
City of blinding lights...
and the mindless procession continues... the fatigue has lasted for three weeks now. everyday just seems like yet another romp through the motions. contemplated dropping chem s yesterday... eventually sth's gonna crumble if i continue like status quo, i thought... doing tutorials only in lectures and break cos of the late days and no work done at all at home. falling asleep when i give up and during tutorials when i don't seem to understand what the heck is happening. then feeling damn tired and wanting to sleep first thing getting home. then when the weekend finally comes saturday will be for science research. and sunday the day to get a life and actually go out. i guess i'm to blame cos i'm not willing to sacrifice sleep, pc time or leave sunday to just rest. but sleep is most important and no way am i sacrificing my last bit of what people call a social life over studies.
thought i needed to change sth. weighed through what was possible and chem s seemed like it. then lim kim thye had to confuse me by advising us not to drop. and attending the 'last' lesson made me feel like i actually like the qns and lessons. it's just the time i can't handle. and talked to charlotte chua today. hmm... i guess i'd hold on for now. but wondering how i'm gonna survive til june before things will start dying down a bit. sigh. and the teachers had to make me feel bad by not scolding me when i don't do my work/sleep in their lessons.
expectations... hmm. i wonder...
blogging bout stress and schwork. i might as well leave it not updated. oh well. leaving an entry i don't really like on the home page forces me to blog more often i guess. as tristan will say, i need to go out and start some shit
thought i needed to change sth. weighed through what was possible and chem s seemed like it. then lim kim thye had to confuse me by advising us not to drop. and attending the 'last' lesson made me feel like i actually like the qns and lessons. it's just the time i can't handle. and talked to charlotte chua today. hmm... i guess i'd hold on for now. but wondering how i'm gonna survive til june before things will start dying down a bit. sigh. and the teachers had to make me feel bad by not scolding me when i don't do my work/sleep in their lessons.
expectations... hmm. i wonder...
blogging bout stress and schwork. i might as well leave it not updated. oh well. leaving an entry i don't really like on the home page forces me to blog more often i guess. as tristan will say, i need to go out and start some shit
Thursday, February 16, 2006
...
it's been some time. a long while. but i knew it was gonna come anyway... i just dunno what the heck just happened. i guess it's just the build up of those small, trivial stuff. and perhaps signs of it started surfacing a few days back. but oh well
had this bridge program stuff for gp today. where the supposedly weaker students went for 'remedial' while the 'stronger' ones went for 'enrichment' after school at 5+. well, both synonyms for staying back for me. i guess it wasn't tt bad. larry lee toned down the kao-pei tone and cracked quite a number of jokes. his humour is interesting... always said in tt tone of his with a tinge of cynicism. talked bout cults and fanatism. didn't understand half of it, esp with the malcolm x part. but oh well. he was saying how this cult group in japan has all those professors and highly educated people. then said how those more intelligent people with no aims and goals in life are most susceptible to cult ideology. then made a reference to the people in the lt. and then i thought bout how he was almost like pinpointing me. i've never had much of a goal in life, and am staunch-ly unreligious. and all the gp teachers have said at some point or another how important religion for our spiritual fulfilment. sometimes i wonder if i can make it through when i'm down in the trenches. oh well. i should just believe in myself. believe in hope.
on to sth unrelated... hmmm... blargh. i admit it. i'm envious. there's only so much u can feel happy bout before u start yearning for it as well. so i'm selfish... i wonder what lies ahead. that missing jigsaw piece seems eternity away. oh well... hmm, i'm feeling tipsy. tempted to just not care and have an experience of how feeling high is like. heck. i'm even interested in knowing how a hangover really feels like. damn. restrain... so long then
had this bridge program stuff for gp today. where the supposedly weaker students went for 'remedial' while the 'stronger' ones went for 'enrichment' after school at 5+. well, both synonyms for staying back for me. i guess it wasn't tt bad. larry lee toned down the kao-pei tone and cracked quite a number of jokes. his humour is interesting... always said in tt tone of his with a tinge of cynicism. talked bout cults and fanatism. didn't understand half of it, esp with the malcolm x part. but oh well. he was saying how this cult group in japan has all those professors and highly educated people. then said how those more intelligent people with no aims and goals in life are most susceptible to cult ideology. then made a reference to the people in the lt. and then i thought bout how he was almost like pinpointing me. i've never had much of a goal in life, and am staunch-ly unreligious. and all the gp teachers have said at some point or another how important religion for our spiritual fulfilment. sometimes i wonder if i can make it through when i'm down in the trenches. oh well. i should just believe in myself. believe in hope.
on to sth unrelated... hmmm... blargh. i admit it. i'm envious. there's only so much u can feel happy bout before u start yearning for it as well. so i'm selfish... i wonder what lies ahead. that missing jigsaw piece seems eternity away. oh well... hmm, i'm feeling tipsy. tempted to just not care and have an experience of how feeling high is like. heck. i'm even interested in knowing how a hangover really feels like. damn. restrain... so long then
