The simpler life...

well, i am online quite a lot and recently something i've read provoked my thoughts so much i just had to voice my opinions to the world world out there (though who actually still reads this i don't know). so, yeah. here it is

i guess, perhaps deep down, i'm actually pretty closed minded and have a conservative mindset... i have pretty strong opinions on certain issues (though they probably are usuallly rather weird and out of the norm ones) and am quite biased on them and all... however, that normally doesn't spill through when dealing with other people (i hope?)... i've always advocated and practised keeping an open mind regarding what other people do. at least most of the time. i might frown on certain actions and intentions and totally detest them but i try my utmost to respect their decisions. after all, they probably went through their own decision-making process and all and weighed up all the actions themselves. i might not agree with them, but they probably did what they felt was right at that time. who am i to judge them anyway (i might complain a lot and all, but that's another issue). i tend to keep my lofty ideals and high expectations and standards for myself. for others, even when i can't bring myself to agree, i'd at least give some benefit of doubt.

but recently, i can't help but find myself bugged by some things i've seen/read/etc... not bugged as in irritated by it terribly and constantly thinking of it, never having any peace. more of bugged as in, can't help but find myself passing severe judgement on sth and actually enough to be a little emotionally involved in it (emotionally involved sounds like a real serious thing. but it's much more minor. can't find any better words haha. more on emotionally involved later)

granted, i'm very biased on this issue here i must admit. and no, as much as i have felt over it i'm still not acting/haven't acted on it. that just isn't my style. but i must admit harbouring hopes of failure and doom as well as feeling a sense of vindication/joy when things don't go well (that's the emotionally involved part, so yeah). ok. it's evil, yes i know. and from time to time feeling bad for hoping for such things creeps in. but well, i'm not gonna suppress my ill feelings just because they are morally wrong

i think/hope i see both sides of the picture more than the average person. our side of the story is always gonna be one sided. while we are complaining/frowning upon the actions of certain people and bitching bout them with our friends and all, i'm sure on the other side he will be sharing with his friends too what is happening and his side of the story. unless the one we are talking bout is some emotionally hardened creature who no longer has any 'semblance of a moral compass or someone who is really so terrible he doesn't have any friends to confide their side of the story to (both cases in which we should actually pity the guy, as bad the things as he have done), one usually has a reason for doing something.

but well, i've had a few realisations recently. well, i've been reading "Fooled by Randomness" the past few weeks. it's an interesting read for people interested in economics or just some basic intellectual pursuit with many interesting ideas, but a phrase simply just formed in my head while reading it, regarding certain issues happening around me and the book in general too. "Just because you admit your flaws and confess to being a bastard doesn't give you any right to be a bastard"

crude, but i think gets the point across. well, as a reply to what i've read, sth stemming from that idea, "Just because you have your reasons and thought you were doing the right thing doesn't mean you can be a bastard". Sometimes, you know, when friends complain bout certain characteristics of a person, a common defense for them is "that's just the way he is". but after a while, i've kind of realised/felt that just because that's his usual self doesn't give him any defense for being a total idiot.

but at least for the idiots who just go through their lives being the idiots they are, i still see some saving grace. they affect everyone along the way and all, but well, if they are oblivious to their effects and all and they end up leading happy lives themselves, at least they've won in the game of life. they may be bastards, but at least they come out winners i guess. not the way i'd win my game, but well, if that's their game i'm not gonna do anything much

much more unforgiveable are what i term the "inquisitive bastards". not only do they ravage everyone with their "god, what the hell was he thinking" acts and all, he wraps himself with all sorts of fantasy in his own sugar-coated "reality". suddenly, it seems like he's the victim. oh, such a poor thing with traumatic experiences. oh, how he was just trying his best to make his way out of the situation. all bullshit i say. i wonder if they ever tried reading what they write. or try to think objectively (i know it's impossible to be entirely objective but at least try you know) and reflect on what they are doing.

as much as i would love to i'm not interferring and entering the game to create some havoc. that's not my style. hmm, well, i guess my way is just as evil. but if just for today, let me play devil's advocate. i'd be back to being nice tml (or on another issue)

let fate deal my hand.

best of luck to you. cos you're definitely not getting any...