Wednesday, January 02, 2008
End of Year Bonanza
what a smashing way to end the year... the past week or so has been totally jam-packed with brilliant events, and even in general, things has been going well... things started picking up at bout november. slowly i started to get back my belief in the way things work and are working out, started to see things in a more positive light, started to feel a sort of progression within myself. a sort of spiritual gratification to put it that way... the most fulfilling time i've had since the build up to exams (yes, i guess i'm just the nerd, but the run-ups to exam periods have been one of the most self-rewarding times since the 'o' levels. it's just the sort of feeling u get when things slowly start to fall in place, slowly seeing the results of a few months of hard work slowly unveiling, being able to see the end and well deserved rest just over the corner).
i don't really comprehend why the renewed optimism i've had the past few months either... perhaps it's just the experience of working in the 'service' side (i like to think of my job as a service personnel facilitating things with security a peripheral part of my job rather than the other way round which my superiors want me to think), getting over the angsty teenage years and naively believing in the so-romantic cause of making the world a better place through small steps. sometimes i look at the people around me (mostly bad examples, sadly, especially for the management team) and try to learn from them.. i try to acknowledge everyone when i see them at work regardless if i know them or not, just to let them feel like they're actually someone with a life, a personality, not just a passing nobody drifting in the train of bigger things. i try my best to let others know of my appreciation when i'm being served, from the counter crew to the cleaning lady. i never knew looking someone in the eye and saying a heartfelt thank you and receiving the appropriate response is so rewarding. sometimes it sucks when people just ignore you and move on, but at least i tried to make a difference.
it's interesting when i look back at my late primary school years and how much a pessimist i was, feeling cynical about everything and all. sometimes i feel embarassed looking at some of my thoughts and the things i do and look at how much a romantic optimist i can be sometimes now. sometimes when i look back with some objectivity it's almost like a childlike belief of a utopian society just waiting to be crushed by some big, hulking demon. at least i'm still keeping that cynicism towards old fashioned rules and conforming to keep things balanced
and while it lasts, i'm relishing life as it is now. a lot of times my train of thoughts lead me to religion when i'm comtemplating life and trying to understand the nuances of how i'm feeling. i think i think way, way too much bout religion for an unreligious person... but religion has always awed me i suppose, just that no one ever came close to convincing me about their cause. i guess maybe it's just like a young girl waiting for her prince charming to come, watching wistfully as everyone around her's getting hitched while everyone who has come her way doesn't even come close to scratching the surface... i remember reading somewhere (or was it mrs chng who said it?) that even though the world is seemingly getting less religious an overwhelming majority of people still subscribe to some faith or another.. think it's less than one percent who are strictly atheists, with many with 'no religion' still believing in some sort of higher power
i've always wondered and been in awe of how much power one can harness from religion. i've always wondered why too. recently i've been thinking perhaps it's because it's an investment into the unknown. the need to believe is innate is us; it's just a matter of what we believe in. it's much easier when one believes in a higher being who knows more than you, whom you'd never totally understand rather than just shaky foundations like other people, a system of how things work and the like. in god (used very loosely) there is the element of not knowing everything before us because of our shallow view of the world. it's a belief in something unknown beyond your means, and when you can't quantify and qualify everything you believe in, there's no way you can lose everything. even when it seems like everything is lost, there's always the chance that something else can happen. something else that puts things back in your favor. and i wonder if it's this believe that forms the basis of religion
(i'd probably live to regret writing this earlier bunch of stuff when i read this years later and discover it to be a pile of bullshit. oh well, just let me rant this time.. been some time heh)
i put my belief in the things around me. people. my family and friends. certain ways things work out in my life. how i handle different situations and all the what-nots. and one of my deep-seated fears is that if one day everything that matters were to crumble. it's very possible, and i don't have much of a fall back to rely on. as much as i stick to it, it's hard to see myself perservering with the "i just need to slog this period away and things will fall into place" notion that i keep myself going with. it will take a lot of mental strength to continue slogging and believing when shit really happens. that's why, as much as i detest them, i secretly admire people who blindly believes in something and doesn't ask second questions, accepting what is laid before them as the one and holy true and just lead their simple-minded lifestyles. i guess that's what this blog is about. i wonder when i named it so, but i like "the simpler life" title. if i remember correctly i titled it "bliss, nirvana" last time. a good name i still think, but maybe what i'm really searching for is, simply, a simpler life.
oh gosh. how much i digressed. and this blog was to be bout the past few days. sat in malaysia was fun as malaysia trips have always been.
sunday was the highlight though. meetup with eric. i knew eric came back bout a few weeks ago from his msn name and later ash confirming it but i was just hesitant bout meeting up. i guess i can feel what caryn felt bout the evening with syc. i was telling her how she shouldn't have cared bout not receiving an official invitation and just go; no one would have noticed anyway, but if i was in her shoes i'd totally do the same. it's just the feeling sometimes we want to get. the feeling that we are important. just to allay the fears that we aren't someone, that we're not worthy and that the non-act meant more than it actually was (usually it would probably be simply a slip of mind or just some other perfectly logical reason on the other person's side but we are just afraid it's for the worst). but i digress again. so after a merry go round, a stroke of bad luck (christmas eve in camp) and a stroke a good luck (that he's still around til next week) that sunday became it was
so yup. i was on sunday. eric arrived late. very late. 45min i think. or was it an hour. and so i was making a fool of myself keeping it under wraps, stalling time and all. in the end i gave up, egged ash to let it out but he won't. so yeah. they didn't persist. i wonder what the rest was thinking bout my antics haha. but it was all worth it. aaron (expectedly) and lymon didn't have much of a reaction. but the sight of terence trying to think of some witty retort of unwelcome to mask his shock was worth everything. a nice lunch at new york pizza. moping around deciding what to do next as usual, what with everyone having a different idea of a good time and mr ash the fussy ruling out half the suggestions when the rest of us would just have given in (as much as i complain, i guess sometimes that dose of vote of no-go is very necessary). in the end went niner with the no-dota rule compromise. thought it was fun. i particularly liked tower defence (coming out top all the time certainly helping i guess) and the rest of the custom games were pretty fun too. then dinner at fish and co. terence didn't join which was a pity (though i guess it was slightly expected when he went back). aaron had to book in. so yeah. but still a great time hanging out. an ode to the good ol' days. few things beat the group of us meeting up, especially when eric is back. looking forward to next sunday. sadly terence and aaron have to book in at night (with ash probably wanting to go back early). the night is the best time for this sort of sessions. just chilling out. more willing to share and everything. was prepared to take leave on sat but guess eric had plans too. oh well. it'd still be smashing i'm sure. and there's the always next year to look forward to. hopefully the plan for the trip works out.
and monday met up with syc. was one of the lucky guys who ended duty earlier than 6 so left early with shen hui. glad i didn't miss much. too bad some ppl i expected to be there didn't go (and some didn't stay). but still a great time. counted down and watched the fireworks near victoria theatre/fullerton. was just the four of us left and christine who joined us but the fireworks this year was great. much better than last year. the squeezing with the crowd both going there and going back was a chore but the fireworks made it all worthwhile. nothing really can quite capture the optimism and prospects of a good year ahead like fireworks on new year's day. seems like it's be a good year ahead. there'd be the shit times but i'm sure i'd come out all the better. after all, a year with your ord date in it can't possibly suck too much. here's for an enriching year ahead
i don't really comprehend why the renewed optimism i've had the past few months either... perhaps it's just the experience of working in the 'service' side (i like to think of my job as a service personnel facilitating things with security a peripheral part of my job rather than the other way round which my superiors want me to think), getting over the angsty teenage years and naively believing in the so-romantic cause of making the world a better place through small steps. sometimes i look at the people around me (mostly bad examples, sadly, especially for the management team) and try to learn from them.. i try to acknowledge everyone when i see them at work regardless if i know them or not, just to let them feel like they're actually someone with a life, a personality, not just a passing nobody drifting in the train of bigger things. i try my best to let others know of my appreciation when i'm being served, from the counter crew to the cleaning lady. i never knew looking someone in the eye and saying a heartfelt thank you and receiving the appropriate response is so rewarding. sometimes it sucks when people just ignore you and move on, but at least i tried to make a difference.
it's interesting when i look back at my late primary school years and how much a pessimist i was, feeling cynical about everything and all. sometimes i feel embarassed looking at some of my thoughts and the things i do and look at how much a romantic optimist i can be sometimes now. sometimes when i look back with some objectivity it's almost like a childlike belief of a utopian society just waiting to be crushed by some big, hulking demon. at least i'm still keeping that cynicism towards old fashioned rules and conforming to keep things balanced
and while it lasts, i'm relishing life as it is now. a lot of times my train of thoughts lead me to religion when i'm comtemplating life and trying to understand the nuances of how i'm feeling. i think i think way, way too much bout religion for an unreligious person... but religion has always awed me i suppose, just that no one ever came close to convincing me about their cause. i guess maybe it's just like a young girl waiting for her prince charming to come, watching wistfully as everyone around her's getting hitched while everyone who has come her way doesn't even come close to scratching the surface... i remember reading somewhere (or was it mrs chng who said it?) that even though the world is seemingly getting less religious an overwhelming majority of people still subscribe to some faith or another.. think it's less than one percent who are strictly atheists, with many with 'no religion' still believing in some sort of higher power
i've always wondered and been in awe of how much power one can harness from religion. i've always wondered why too. recently i've been thinking perhaps it's because it's an investment into the unknown. the need to believe is innate is us; it's just a matter of what we believe in. it's much easier when one believes in a higher being who knows more than you, whom you'd never totally understand rather than just shaky foundations like other people, a system of how things work and the like. in god (used very loosely) there is the element of not knowing everything before us because of our shallow view of the world. it's a belief in something unknown beyond your means, and when you can't quantify and qualify everything you believe in, there's no way you can lose everything. even when it seems like everything is lost, there's always the chance that something else can happen. something else that puts things back in your favor. and i wonder if it's this believe that forms the basis of religion
(i'd probably live to regret writing this earlier bunch of stuff when i read this years later and discover it to be a pile of bullshit. oh well, just let me rant this time.. been some time heh)
i put my belief in the things around me. people. my family and friends. certain ways things work out in my life. how i handle different situations and all the what-nots. and one of my deep-seated fears is that if one day everything that matters were to crumble. it's very possible, and i don't have much of a fall back to rely on. as much as i stick to it, it's hard to see myself perservering with the "i just need to slog this period away and things will fall into place" notion that i keep myself going with. it will take a lot of mental strength to continue slogging and believing when shit really happens. that's why, as much as i detest them, i secretly admire people who blindly believes in something and doesn't ask second questions, accepting what is laid before them as the one and holy true and just lead their simple-minded lifestyles. i guess that's what this blog is about. i wonder when i named it so, but i like "the simpler life" title. if i remember correctly i titled it "bliss, nirvana" last time. a good name i still think, but maybe what i'm really searching for is, simply, a simpler life.
oh gosh. how much i digressed. and this blog was to be bout the past few days. sat in malaysia was fun as malaysia trips have always been.
sunday was the highlight though. meetup with eric. i knew eric came back bout a few weeks ago from his msn name and later ash confirming it but i was just hesitant bout meeting up. i guess i can feel what caryn felt bout the evening with syc. i was telling her how she shouldn't have cared bout not receiving an official invitation and just go; no one would have noticed anyway, but if i was in her shoes i'd totally do the same. it's just the feeling sometimes we want to get. the feeling that we are important. just to allay the fears that we aren't someone, that we're not worthy and that the non-act meant more than it actually was (usually it would probably be simply a slip of mind or just some other perfectly logical reason on the other person's side but we are just afraid it's for the worst). but i digress again. so after a merry go round, a stroke of bad luck (christmas eve in camp) and a stroke a good luck (that he's still around til next week) that sunday became it was
so yup. i was on sunday. eric arrived late. very late. 45min i think. or was it an hour. and so i was making a fool of myself keeping it under wraps, stalling time and all. in the end i gave up, egged ash to let it out but he won't. so yeah. they didn't persist. i wonder what the rest was thinking bout my antics haha. but it was all worth it. aaron (expectedly) and lymon didn't have much of a reaction. but the sight of terence trying to think of some witty retort of unwelcome to mask his shock was worth everything. a nice lunch at new york pizza. moping around deciding what to do next as usual, what with everyone having a different idea of a good time and mr ash the fussy ruling out half the suggestions when the rest of us would just have given in (as much as i complain, i guess sometimes that dose of vote of no-go is very necessary). in the end went niner with the no-dota rule compromise. thought it was fun. i particularly liked tower defence (coming out top all the time certainly helping i guess) and the rest of the custom games were pretty fun too. then dinner at fish and co. terence didn't join which was a pity (though i guess it was slightly expected when he went back). aaron had to book in. so yeah. but still a great time hanging out. an ode to the good ol' days. few things beat the group of us meeting up, especially when eric is back. looking forward to next sunday. sadly terence and aaron have to book in at night (with ash probably wanting to go back early). the night is the best time for this sort of sessions. just chilling out. more willing to share and everything. was prepared to take leave on sat but guess eric had plans too. oh well. it'd still be smashing i'm sure. and there's the always next year to look forward to. hopefully the plan for the trip works out.
and monday met up with syc. was one of the lucky guys who ended duty earlier than 6 so left early with shen hui. glad i didn't miss much. too bad some ppl i expected to be there didn't go (and some didn't stay). but still a great time. counted down and watched the fireworks near victoria theatre/fullerton. was just the four of us left and christine who joined us but the fireworks this year was great. much better than last year. the squeezing with the crowd both going there and going back was a chore but the fireworks made it all worthwhile. nothing really can quite capture the optimism and prospects of a good year ahead like fireworks on new year's day. seems like it's be a good year ahead. there'd be the shit times but i'm sure i'd come out all the better. after all, a year with your ord date in it can't possibly suck too much. here's for an enriching year ahead
