The simpler life...

ok. giving face eh =P. emily tagged me on this... so, yup,

“Just list 10 things that make you happy on a regular basis. Hence, pay raises that typically come once a year won’t count. These are things that make you smile at least once a week… to remind you, in spite of all the ranting you have to regularly get out of your system, life is good.
- Rational Neurotic.”

Yeah. it echoes my sentiments when it comes to counting my blessings and such and those small things in life that makes life great despite all the horrible stuff and how contented i am despite loving to rant and lament bout anything and everything... i guess my list and the elaboration ensuing won't do any of them justice cos try as i might i can't capture that essence of those small but significant stuff in words. many of the points cover more than one thing, but yet a few of the points can definitely be lumped into one umbrella branch. and on hindsight (yes, i'm typing this after getting a rough list done) i think there are definitely things i overlooked and skimmed through when in reality it's definitely more significant. but oh well. here goes...

1) Lazy afternoon with a cuppa

hmm, yeah. so how can it not start with coffee. it's just one of the simple but beautiful pleasures of life. and recently i've found that one of the best times to have it is on a lazy afternoon, with nary a committment, in a cosy li'l cafe with a cup of cafe latte... i like how coffee seems to slow time down for me, giving me the time to contemplate the li'l wonders of life. couple that with the papers, my ds and ipod, people watching (usually a combination of all of them) and it's THE way to spend a day. and when i can afford one afternoon just whiling away doing nothing but just slowly taking in life it must mean life's been treating quite well giving me a long deserved break

and on the topic of coffee, it's not just those lazy afternoons with a cafe latte. morning breakfast with kopi-gao (preferably with half-boiled eggs and toast or economic bee hoon) or the shot of double espresso when i'm dead tired... i can't imagine life without my miracle drug

2) Hanging out with friends

social animals we are. as much of a loner i can be few things can beat hanging out with friends... there's the usual gang (terence, lymon, ash and aaron; eric once a year), the experience which i can't really describe. trying to will prob just demean it. then there's watching soccer, staying overnight at vinnie's for big matches with shiu hei, vinnie (of course), aaron, zhen hao, hongyi, kenneth and everyone (i probably missed some guy out haha). it's interesting how army have brought us closer together for the two groups i've mentioned. it's like back in sch we were all cooped up with our own stuff and just went bout our own lives but now that army have monopolised our time, it's like we've learned to take a step back and learn to enjoy the simple pleasures of just hanging out once every now and then. ok. maybe it's just me haha. then there's the bball at sembawang gang, shaun after work, syc, 04, alpha section mates... i've been blessed. i probably don't meet many of them often enough, and i probably should chat more online and stuff to just keep in contact but i'm thankful i have these group of friends to count on. each one brings a different experience and i'm savoring every bit of it

3) Striking it big!

Ah, the vices. indians drink, chinese gamble. i'm just slave to my genes. well, betting's been quite a big part of my life since army started. i know i'd lose money in the long run but it's the thrill of the process. i guess i'm just a sucker. so i just take it as entertainment, be prepared to fork up some money every month to charity (hey, earnings of singapore pools go to the community). i just have to be careful not to chase losses and don't put too much money on the line. and so far i've done that... but my, the experience of winning a bet, no matter how small. i might end a week of betting having just earned back my stake but it's still fun and nice to hold the winning ticket in the hand, seeing ur prediction come true, thinking u've cheated the odds and analysed it better than those computers and realists and such. and there's the social aspect of it too, talking to others bout each other's analysis and such. i think my duty will pass so slowly without it. yup, it's a vice, but what's a little indulgence

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ok. i'm tired. i haven't done the elaboration for the rest (and i can't seem to put things succinctly in one line to capture the essence of stuff). so, yup. i'd continue some other day. now that i think bout it there's many times procrastinating these blog entries just ends up it being not blogged forever. oh well. hopefully i'd get down to it and finish it up

250 left til 10feb. gosh. i'm so not gonna survive... blame it on the past few days. even ordering food almost every mounting day. not even saving when cooped up in that cave.

and the yr gets better. games day was nice, albeit tiring. then had dinner with shaun after that. hanging out with him is sure one of the quickest way to burn your pockets man. was thinking of cwp then he suggested king albert park. well, he pleaded so i agreed. then the rain came while waiting for him haha. and we went pizza hut in the end. and hearing the waiter repeat our orders, the couple delight meal or sth just sounds so wrong haha. but oh well. it was nice catching up. been some time since we hung out.. not the usual light hearted banter and talk bout football and whatnot. but quite interesting some of the things he said. shared sth i haven't talked about to others before. haha. so broke i could only give up 10 bucks then and he had to pay the rest

and then the bomb. and then sunday. the most incredible, fabulous, fantastic and overwhelming fun i've had in a while. a long while. lunch was at mad jack's. (mcjack's will sound so much nicer haha)... was quite good. guess i put too much expectation on it or it'd have been nicer. but a nice lunch. ok.. 15 gone. oh. before that while waiting for eric, terence was buying jeans at NTUC. yup. NTUC. like wth. haha. he and his cheapskate antics. i wonder sometimes if he does all those just to display that image or he is really into those haha...

after some deliberation on where to go it's lan again. i guess i kinda expected it. not that i was dreading it. ever since we decided no dota and played some random custom game it's been quite fun. tower defence was nice. but too buggy. can't complete again. and sad. didn't do as well as last week. then we tried the hero survival thingy again. for once i wasn't that clueless (at least during the second game. the first one was still quite bad). we completed it heh. nice.

too bad terence had to leave after that again. had dinner at the yellow table coffee shop. haha. guess we went there only for nostalgia sake. we normally have western there but don't think anyone was for it since we just had steak and whatnot at mad jack's. in the end we all just took the risk, ordered the ban mian. it was surprisingly nice for sth non-qiu lian. ash was raving bout his dry u mian, the first time i've seen him so enthu bout food not 20 and above. or rather, the first time i've seen him like that in all our food expeditions haha. eric thought it was so so but i really enjoyed mine. the mee hoon kuey was just the right texture. the soup had taste. and don't think have so much msg. wasn't as thirsty as after a qiu lian meal. nice. won't mind going back. but it's way too far. but oh well. we should go there again. i'd queue up for my mee chiang kuey again. this time i won't leave it at kfc.

after that went to mind cafe at boat quay. last week tried to go settler's but was full. this week just went there on a whim. and surprisingly it was quite empty (it seems more expensive than the one at dhoby ghaut though the ambience is nicer). played citadel. we totally loved it man... al the trying to second guess each other. ash trying to stir up stuff and getting all defensive when i jab him at that haha. just can't describe the fun we have... it's such a pity terence isn't. we could so imagine what he'd be doing. at first when the girl was explaining the game i thought it was too complex but it was just right after a while. enough complexity to make everyone think but not so much that it's daunting... a great plus we know each other quite well so will be thinking what they'd be doing... great game...

i can never credit how smashing the day had been. but wow. what a day. 45 bucks. but if 45 bucks is the price for this fun i'd go rob banks every day. but oh well. it's that fun partly because it doesn't happen everyday too... i guess by now eric should be back in indonesia. the parting scene at the mrt was quite funny. ash, lymon and aaron just trudged along down to the north south line area at the mrt. then eric realised he needed to go the other way... haha. quite funny his expression. like wth. said goodbye to him. after parting with him then ash suddenly realised halfway down the stairs. was shouting to him. just some waving and we're on our way. so it'd be one more year before we meet again. but i guess the way we parted is a sign of how things have progressed from three years ago? (wow, it's the third year already). it's the knowledge that we'd meet up again, definitely. someway, somehow. things will change and everything but there's no need to say our goodbyes yet cos we all have that knowledge. here's to the memories...

just checked up on air ticket and hotel prices in australia. ouch. i didn't expect free and easy trips there to be that ex... i wonder if the fuel prices played a part in it... like geog we all learn bout budget airlines. how it's driving air prices down. but ouch. it's not that much cheaper. and everything's just so ex... was looking forward to a trip overseas with friends after ord. and last week the idea of australia. going over to find eric, then he comes to singapore with us just rocked the sock for me. but now looking increasingly unlikely when i saw the price. i guess if i went down to it, be willing to part with the money i can probably go. ash and aaron probably also. but it's a bit too ex. was hoping can find sth cheap maybe lymon can join us. then hope that the one in a gazillion chance will come true and terence can join. but oh well... it'd even reaching the upper limit of my 1500 maximum budget. airfares are too much. a decent hotel instead of motels is a bit too much too. i guess i just can't have comfort and cheap stuff together. see how it goes. will snoop around during travel fare many months down the road. hope it can work out. if not australia at least somewhere else. i so need to leave the country

what a smashing way to end the year... the past week or so has been totally jam-packed with brilliant events, and even in general, things has been going well... things started picking up at bout november. slowly i started to get back my belief in the way things work and are working out, started to see things in a more positive light, started to feel a sort of progression within myself. a sort of spiritual gratification to put it that way... the most fulfilling time i've had since the build up to exams (yes, i guess i'm just the nerd, but the run-ups to exam periods have been one of the most self-rewarding times since the 'o' levels. it's just the sort of feeling u get when things slowly start to fall in place, slowly seeing the results of a few months of hard work slowly unveiling, being able to see the end and well deserved rest just over the corner).

i don't really comprehend why the renewed optimism i've had the past few months either... perhaps it's just the experience of working in the 'service' side (i like to think of my job as a service personnel facilitating things with security a peripheral part of my job rather than the other way round which my superiors want me to think), getting over the angsty teenage years and naively believing in the so-romantic cause of making the world a better place through small steps. sometimes i look at the people around me (mostly bad examples, sadly, especially for the management team) and try to learn from them.. i try to acknowledge everyone when i see them at work regardless if i know them or not, just to let them feel like they're actually someone with a life, a personality, not just a passing nobody drifting in the train of bigger things. i try my best to let others know of my appreciation when i'm being served, from the counter crew to the cleaning lady. i never knew looking someone in the eye and saying a heartfelt thank you and receiving the appropriate response is so rewarding. sometimes it sucks when people just ignore you and move on, but at least i tried to make a difference.

it's interesting when i look back at my late primary school years and how much a pessimist i was, feeling cynical about everything and all. sometimes i feel embarassed looking at some of my thoughts and the things i do and look at how much a romantic optimist i can be sometimes now. sometimes when i look back with some objectivity it's almost like a childlike belief of a utopian society just waiting to be crushed by some big, hulking demon. at least i'm still keeping that cynicism towards old fashioned rules and conforming to keep things balanced

and while it lasts, i'm relishing life as it is now. a lot of times my train of thoughts lead me to religion when i'm comtemplating life and trying to understand the nuances of how i'm feeling. i think i think way, way too much bout religion for an unreligious person... but religion has always awed me i suppose, just that no one ever came close to convincing me about their cause. i guess maybe it's just like a young girl waiting for her prince charming to come, watching wistfully as everyone around her's getting hitched while everyone who has come her way doesn't even come close to scratching the surface... i remember reading somewhere (or was it mrs chng who said it?) that even though the world is seemingly getting less religious an overwhelming majority of people still subscribe to some faith or another.. think it's less than one percent who are strictly atheists, with many with 'no religion' still believing in some sort of higher power

i've always wondered and been in awe of how much power one can harness from religion. i've always wondered why too. recently i've been thinking perhaps it's because it's an investment into the unknown. the need to believe is innate is us; it's just a matter of what we believe in. it's much easier when one believes in a higher being who knows more than you, whom you'd never totally understand rather than just shaky foundations like other people, a system of how things work and the like. in god (used very loosely) there is the element of not knowing everything before us because of our shallow view of the world. it's a belief in something unknown beyond your means, and when you can't quantify and qualify everything you believe in, there's no way you can lose everything. even when it seems like everything is lost, there's always the chance that something else can happen. something else that puts things back in your favor. and i wonder if it's this believe that forms the basis of religion

(i'd probably live to regret writing this earlier bunch of stuff when i read this years later and discover it to be a pile of bullshit. oh well, just let me rant this time.. been some time heh)

i put my belief in the things around me. people. my family and friends. certain ways things work out in my life. how i handle different situations and all the what-nots. and one of my deep-seated fears is that if one day everything that matters were to crumble. it's very possible, and i don't have much of a fall back to rely on. as much as i stick to it, it's hard to see myself perservering with the "i just need to slog this period away and things will fall into place" notion that i keep myself going with. it will take a lot of mental strength to continue slogging and believing when shit really happens. that's why, as much as i detest them, i secretly admire people who blindly believes in something and doesn't ask second questions, accepting what is laid before them as the one and holy true and just lead their simple-minded lifestyles. i guess that's what this blog is about. i wonder when i named it so, but i like "the simpler life" title. if i remember correctly i titled it "bliss, nirvana" last time. a good name i still think, but maybe what i'm really searching for is, simply, a simpler life.

oh gosh. how much i digressed. and this blog was to be bout the past few days. sat in malaysia was fun as malaysia trips have always been.

sunday was the highlight though. meetup with eric. i knew eric came back bout a few weeks ago from his msn name and later ash confirming it but i was just hesitant bout meeting up. i guess i can feel what caryn felt bout the evening with syc. i was telling her how she shouldn't have cared bout not receiving an official invitation and just go; no one would have noticed anyway, but if i was in her shoes i'd totally do the same. it's just the feeling sometimes we want to get. the feeling that we are important. just to allay the fears that we aren't someone, that we're not worthy and that the non-act meant more than it actually was (usually it would probably be simply a slip of mind or just some other perfectly logical reason on the other person's side but we are just afraid it's for the worst). but i digress again. so after a merry go round, a stroke of bad luck (christmas eve in camp) and a stroke a good luck (that he's still around til next week) that sunday became it was

so yup. i was on sunday. eric arrived late. very late. 45min i think. or was it an hour. and so i was making a fool of myself keeping it under wraps, stalling time and all. in the end i gave up, egged ash to let it out but he won't. so yeah. they didn't persist. i wonder what the rest was thinking bout my antics haha. but it was all worth it. aaron (expectedly) and lymon didn't have much of a reaction. but the sight of terence trying to think of some witty retort of unwelcome to mask his shock was worth everything. a nice lunch at new york pizza. moping around deciding what to do next as usual, what with everyone having a different idea of a good time and mr ash the fussy ruling out half the suggestions when the rest of us would just have given in (as much as i complain, i guess sometimes that dose of vote of no-go is very necessary). in the end went niner with the no-dota rule compromise. thought it was fun. i particularly liked tower defence (coming out top all the time certainly helping i guess) and the rest of the custom games were pretty fun too. then dinner at fish and co. terence didn't join which was a pity (though i guess it was slightly expected when he went back). aaron had to book in. so yeah. but still a great time hanging out. an ode to the good ol' days. few things beat the group of us meeting up, especially when eric is back. looking forward to next sunday. sadly terence and aaron have to book in at night (with ash probably wanting to go back early). the night is the best time for this sort of sessions. just chilling out. more willing to share and everything. was prepared to take leave on sat but guess eric had plans too. oh well. it'd still be smashing i'm sure. and there's the always next year to look forward to. hopefully the plan for the trip works out.

and monday met up with syc. was one of the lucky guys who ended duty earlier than 6 so left early with shen hui. glad i didn't miss much. too bad some ppl i expected to be there didn't go (and some didn't stay). but still a great time. counted down and watched the fireworks near victoria theatre/fullerton. was just the four of us left and christine who joined us but the fireworks this year was great. much better than last year. the squeezing with the crowd both going there and going back was a chore but the fireworks made it all worthwhile. nothing really can quite capture the optimism and prospects of a good year ahead like fireworks on new year's day. seems like it's be a good year ahead. there'd be the shit times but i'm sure i'd come out all the better. after all, a year with your ord date in it can't possibly suck too much. here's for an enriching year ahead