Saturday, July 09, 2005
The other side
Two sides to everything... Some people talk of alternate dimensions. And sometimes i wonder how i'd do in them. The millions of different possibilities you could have ended up in but did not because of your actions... So, yeah, i've been delving in what-ifs the past week or so (perhaps not so this few days... well, this was supposed to be an entry them), something i always hate myself doing. it doesn't help, does it? but it's still so tempting to wonder how things could have turned out. how you'd love to have to 'load game'. and then the logic part of me slips in. to put it chim-ly, i'm a secular humanist... things like alternate dimensions and many other things we believe in are just a way to comfort others. i'd probably be blespheming if i continue, so i'd stop there... never hurts to be a li'l more sensitive to how others might think. though there are always so many times i fail to do so. and i can't help but blame myself for that. and like so often i guess i'd just leave my life to the pure randomness of it all. fate, i call it, though others define it differently.
last night... went home at around 11+/12. was walking back. blasted the music on my fave playlist. looked up into the sky. the vast, endless skies. and i just felt like sitting down gazing at it until next morning screaming those songs at the top of my voice. if only my parents didn't mind that. and if only there wasn't the couple sitting on the bench at the playground (where i was planning to spend the whole night if i can) i would have stayed there for a while. the sky... i love how mysterious it is. sometimes i look up at it and see arrays of possibilities, like it's urging you to go forward. sometimes i can't help but feel so minute, so insignificant. other times like this i just want to gaze at it and not think bout much. i think it'd turned into a reflex action, looking at the sky when i'm full of feelings, whatever they may be, inside. times where i don't bother bout it for weeks, months, times where i see the sky more than my family and friends... so in the end i only managed to do the latter part of what i want to do, that is, just scream certain songs out. in the lift lol. i took it up to the twelth floor, back to first floor, up again and finally down to my floor just to finish the song heh. felt so great. and i wonder if it's the singing or what that made my eyes feel wet. not a tear yet, but that feeling... i love it but loathe it too. love-hate. bitter-sweet... i truly ponder
last night... went home at around 11+/12. was walking back. blasted the music on my fave playlist. looked up into the sky. the vast, endless skies. and i just felt like sitting down gazing at it until next morning screaming those songs at the top of my voice. if only my parents didn't mind that. and if only there wasn't the couple sitting on the bench at the playground (where i was planning to spend the whole night if i can) i would have stayed there for a while. the sky... i love how mysterious it is. sometimes i look up at it and see arrays of possibilities, like it's urging you to go forward. sometimes i can't help but feel so minute, so insignificant. other times like this i just want to gaze at it and not think bout much. i think it'd turned into a reflex action, looking at the sky when i'm full of feelings, whatever they may be, inside. times where i don't bother bout it for weeks, months, times where i see the sky more than my family and friends... so in the end i only managed to do the latter part of what i want to do, that is, just scream certain songs out. in the lift lol. i took it up to the twelth floor, back to first floor, up again and finally down to my floor just to finish the song heh. felt so great. and i wonder if it's the singing or what that made my eyes feel wet. not a tear yet, but that feeling... i love it but loathe it too. love-hate. bitter-sweet... i truly ponder
