The simpler life...

oh no, it's eleven thirty already... and i was planning to sleep early today cos mid-yrs start tml. even though i have the luxury of continuing my beauty sleep for two more days cos only have afternoon papers then. but gotta change my sleeping pattern quick. been sleeping at 2+ and waking up after noon the past few days. nowadays i no longer have the long journey to sch to 'sober up' from fatigue or early morning blues. and on the way home i was thinking that i'm just gonna shower, blog and turn in for the night when i return. but once i'm in front of the pc i didn't really feel like blogging and just surfed around.

but decided i should not let whatever i feel like blogging bout pile up. let's see, first aid outing was on friday. at sembawang. afternoon bbq (rolls eyes). was kinda anticipating it earlier on but as the planning started to drag and the outing got postponed again and again kinda lost the enthusiasm. and didn't have high hopes for it after things were still messy on thursday. it was going on and off; people couldn't be contacted; many were reportedly not going, etc.

in the end it became almost like a zh outing lol. or more specifically, my study group's outing. so there were the four of us (chairman, zhenhao and aaron), may ping and three seniors (wei shan, ben and eric)... went sembawang park, this ulu place where there were actually pple there camping and playing in the sea. wasn't earth shattering, but the outing wasn't bad i think. just a simple bbq... had only chicken wings, otah and satay. and for the first time in my life i saw all the food finished in a bbq.

had loads of satay (was doing the bbq-ing most of the time, so too bothersome to have the more 'troublesome' otahs and chicken wings)... was like 'one for me, one for the rest' lol. then with a few left wei shan was distributing the chicken wings and otahs around getting everyone to eat. felt so horrible stuffing so much bbq food. and the only drink left was justea... thirst over taste in the end so drank it pinching my nose. but still the horrible aftertaste of tea. thankfully not strong at all. so that's basically it. think the four of us stuck together too much. should have talked more to may ping and the seniors. but oh well, it's over. at least did have a decent conversation with wei shan and ben bout the handover, clement ong and qi gong, etc... weishan treated icecream in the end ^^. nice!

went pool with aaron and zhen hao after that at causeway point. and like at chalet (crap, i still haven't blogged bout tt... nvm, i WILL do it when the photos are up) wasn't really into groove. i'm starting to get quite comfortable with the cues and basic pocketing so was overconfident so many times and made crappy shots. dunno what's into me when i just immediately go up to the ball and hit it without aiming, etc when it's my turn, thinking it's nothing. turns out nothing went the way i planned. but still won quite a decent number of times cos aaron and zhen hao were having even worse days heh. aaron was like giving me a free ball every turn in one game and i just pocket a ball every time to win it (that's seven lol). and zhen hao was too lucky. he was en route to thrashing me (i have 4 balls left in one game) cos somehow his balls will so lucky find its way to a pocket even on a misshot but ended up pocketing the black ball in the wrong pocket.

had long john after that. bad, bad choice. halfway through the meal i can feel all the unhealthy food churning in my stomach. when i reached home went on a cleansing binch and had whatever fruits i could find. an orange, one big, red, juicy and crunchy Fuji apple, a tasty green one (if only green apples were crunchy...), a banana and a big cup of apple juice (just not with aloe vera. never understand those who drink that. it just tastes too veggie to me... i don't want no veggie in my drinks... always cringe in disgust back in tj where there'd be this senior who orders celery + carrot juice almost every day. eww lol)... so bloated on them after that, but my, i needed that cleansing. i'm thankful i haven't fallen sick despite my unhealthy diet of late...

so sat studied with the gang. nothing much. but was fun studying maths lol. physics and chem took me three days each to go through the notes and make my own but cleared both maths in one day in a sense. wrote out all the topics tested on one piece of paper and proceeded cancelling them out whenever i've finished a particular topic. was so nice. i was like, "ap gp... (proceeds to regurgitate the 5 formulae) done. (crosses ap gp out)... partial fractions... (pauses for a few seconds) done... parametric equations... dy/dx = dy/dt divided by dx/dt... done... MI... what's there to study for MI... done" lol. i seriously hope i won't fail maths and get mocked by aaron and all those single maths students... nothing much that day. borrowed the new bsb album from shiu hei to rip... nice ^^. lol, he was going "do you like bsb? buy their album!" for some time...

oh yeah, was raining quite heavily when i was on the way to lib. was so nice walking in the rain. even though there's an umbrella in my bag. and i could have alighted at amk where there is more shelter on the way. dunno how to describe that feeling... in the rain, music blasted, walking slowly. the whole ambience was so... nice. was wishing it could rain heavier. did not feel as heavy as it looked. lol, i think i was expecting a shower literally. can't imagine what would happen if that really happened. i'm really risking my health so close to the tests eh.

oh, and there is this traffic light between aj and amk lib. and as usual i reached there halfway when there's the green light for the cars parallel to the direction i'm walking. but the pedestrain lights happen to be those where you need to press the button for it to turn green. so as usual again, i jaywalked. but this time i mistimed it. the lights went red before i was done. and the cars going across were starting to move. i was still running towards the end. most of the cars stopped behind me (of course) but one taxi at the far end had started moving. but i was still running across the road. it hadn't accelerated much but it needed to brake. could see it move a li'l sideways in the puddle of rainwater. no horns but think a few drivers were pretty angry (they must be. well, i didn't look cos i don't like raising my head in rain and don't wanna have the chance to see them angry)... i think i'm sadistic but somehow that feeling was good. it's no longer that mood walking in the rain. it's another feeling. the me-against-the-world feeling. that everyone's against you. and somehow i revelled in that. being the underdogs. odds stacked. tables turned against you. i like that setting. the only time when i can just go all out without feeling restrained by anything... it feels weird saying this... i feel a lot of times i always fall short of aims because i don't give everything i have. it's like basketball when once i wondered why i've been so lucky to avoid any injuries ('cept for a stubbed finger or two) in bout 3 years and i came to the conclusion that i did not throw in everything during training. and i've realised the only times i've done that is when i felt it's everyone against me. no one to bank on, just me, myself and i. can only recall twice i did that, but oh well, they're long stories i don't really feel like blogging. at least for now. once in a while i like being the bad guy. just so i no longer need to bear the weight of all the responsibilities, commitments, etc. i'm the villian here so i can do whatever i will... at least i'm back to normal now ^^. lol. not very often i get swept away by that feeling

so on to today. woke up at 11.30 surprisingly. it's an improvement ^^. mom wanted me to go causeway point with family to get new shoes (i've been holding that off for so long til the point i used the excuse that i dunno how to pick the correct ones heh. so now that dad is free before he goes to work in the afternoon and i'm not out somewhere i had to go)... lol, i like my new shoes. got a new bag too. had wanted to get a few new shirts and pants too (shopping with parents = more budget lol) but there were just sooooo many people. had pastamania for lunch. nice! shared a pizza with sis (why must lasagna be more expensive than pasta and pizza =( ) and 'couped' some of mom's pasta before she proceeded to add tobasco sauce. she added so much... scary... and still said it wasn't hot. i dunno when tobasco sauce had this image of being incredibly spicy even though i haven't tasted it. and even though most pple i know have not tasted it before and it seems common knowledge that it is really spicy...

studied with ash after that. just went through some of the stuff. realised i'm not really fully prepared for the tests. but oh well. i just wanna get through them. don't really feel a burning desire to ace them. just hope to do well enough. let's see, they always talk bout target setting... hmm, target...
both maths: a
both sciences: b
gp: b3
chinese: c6

only dawned that today's the last day of the holidays just now... so weird... and soon it'd be back to mindless rushing of tutorials after tiring lectures and tutorials, never catching up with more work piling up each day, screaming for the arrival of holidays which will eventually turn out to be another false requiem and it is still undone. and amidst all this, i'd probably not being seeing some of my old friends anymore... sigh...

it's just me that i'm quiet most of the time. too quiet sometimes when i should be talking more even if it's just some idle banter. sometimes it's really i have nothing to say. but other times i fell that it's cos of this innate filtering system which i just realised today. i would feel like talking bout something but it goes through that filter, gets deemed 'boring', 'not interesting', 'offensive', 'insensitive', 'jargon' and i'll decide to keep mum. and sometimes when the system lags and i realise what i'm saying is sleep-inducing halfway while talking i'd just tail off in a mumble, slur my words and eventually stop. maybe i shouldn't care so much and just talk.

and had one of those moments on the train again, thinking of what i could have done after something had happened. why do i never come up with the good ideas (not that i had a good one today, but oh well) on the spot. still remember back in primary school i always had these moments in the shower after sch and think to myself 'crap, i could have done this, this, this, said that, that, that. would have been so cool/nice/blah, blah, blah... oh well

think i'm setting up a private blog... nowadays it seems like i have quite some R-rated stuff to blog bout. no lah, but just things which might not be appropriate for others to read cos it may be hurting, insensitive, etc. some of the stuff directed at pple whom i don't even know reads this blog or not but i think it's not very nice either. had the same urge a few months back but kinda petered off (cos the name i wanted was taken lol. and that for a private blog). sometimes it feels kinda nice knowing that pple are reading ur blog. then there are times u just want a secret diary to pen down the most inner thoughts that u don't want others to know. guess i'm not open enough...

wow, i've typed so much today... good practice for gp tml i hope, though this's not in perfect english. but still i'm putting my thoughts down into words... haven't written an essay since the test how many weeks (or months) ago. and haven't been reading newspapers except headlines during the holidays. in fact haven't been reading much other then notes recently. hope still have enough general knowlege and phrasing ability for tml. wonder if i'd even know anything bout the topics that are raised by the questions, much less feel strongly about. oh gasp, just realised it's not tml anymore. gp exam's today technically. i took more than an hour to blog this... wow, really preparation for the test. hope it's readable and there's a flow cos there are so many times i realised i missed out sth i wanna blog bout halfway through and went to add the part sandwiched between what i thought were the appropriate paragraphs before continuing. i've been droning on long enough then. good night folks if you're reading this at night. and good luck to your tests if you have them, and good luck to me too (lol, suddenly remember the time where i replied to 'good luck' wishes from others with 'i don't believe in good luck'... sounds quite cool eh. kinda silly too heh)

EDIT: Just realised this wasn't so 'long, long, long' after scanning through some of the previous entries. guess i haven't blogged that frequently nowadays so entries this length seem really long. oh well, i'm off then. gotta fulfil my promise of sleeping after bloggin"