Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Back
just back from 04 chalet. loads to blog bout. but dead tired. guess i'd blog tml or someday later. or maybe when hinho has the photos uploaded. just wanted to blog bout today all of a sudden.
so ash asked me whether i wanted to study together yesterday. agreed thinking that it's a good thing cos at least i will then be 'forced' to sit down and actually study a li'l. don't think can afford to really pack 3 subjects in 3 days. plan was 2.30, got home at bout 1.40. onto my good ol' bed i went and never felt like getting up after that. was late for an entire hour... oh well. lib had no seats... grr... so went mos burger. milk shake was not available... grr... i always digress so much...
couldn't get much down. really ineffective. guess i shouldn't have went out. i think a good nap attack is what i need more. was so not concentrating... that leaves me with still the same equation, 3 subjects, 3 days. this is really bad.
temasek seminar stuff tml, so can't study. don't feel like going at all. even worse now that candy managed to get sick and skip it. terence will probably be with hongyi all the time or sth. don't really know justin. and don't really want to think bout the rest. they are people who actually bothered bout some stupid 'tagline' thingy, thinking of them and calling people out to discuss bout it. oh well, at least these people meant that all we needed to do for that was to vote. hope i'd fall sick from all the 'exertions' in chalet
well, went play lan with patrick and junio later. was absolutely horrible. but when am i not crappy anyway... dunno why but just gradually melancholy set in at night. maybe it's the realisation tt real life is back and it's no longer the comfort zone with familiar people around all the time and nothing pressing. but that don't feels like it hit the target spot on. i wonder why i felt so.
but that kinda brings me to realise that what i'm searching for in life, at least for now, is a life of balance. some people lead a life for achivement and success, some pride it in values, some seek thrill, fun and enjoyment, others a hot, passionate love. i want to be happy, but i don't need to be too happy. i want to do things well, but excelling is not really necessary. well, most of the time anyway. and i'm willing to strive to get this fair bit of everything. not less than required, no need for excess, just enough... libra scales i guess?
still the dour mask of air all over. thought of a conversation with ernest during the chalet while going to the arcade
me: it was so close
ernest: everyone says that
m: maybe it's just me i guess, but it was just so.... intense then
e: have you (blah, blah, blah)
m: yes, no, no, blah, blah
m: but it's like, the whole world just revolved (blah, blah... ugh, i'm just too lazy to type everything. when has this seemingly short conversation become so long...)
and it goes on. guess no one can understand what i'm typing here. huiping was going 'huh? you talking bout that again ar. ugh, never understand what exactly y'all saying' or sth like that. but just want to type it down when i wanna reminisce and reexperience the feelings etc. but now that i'm trying to think bout it from a more objective viewpoint, i guess it's just me. and how everyone likes to convince themselves that it's all within reach. it's more convincing telling yourself that all that's failed was a stupid goof on your part rather than the whole situation being impossible for you right from the start. i guess it's like saying to yourself you're not that bad and everything is reachable if not for that mistake. if you can prevent it from happening again things will be good come next attempt. hmm, i wonder...
music and sleep's what i need during these times... had them on the bus and train back home. and love my ipod. shuffle always chooses the right songs to go with the mood lol. used to not like other pple putting lyrics in their blogs cos it just don't seem smooth reading like that. but now been downloading the song themselves and listening while looking at them. but heck with whatever, i'd just put a few lines
Perfect/Simple Plan
---
Hey Dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according
To plan?
Do you think I’m wasting
My time doing things I
Wanna do?
But it hurts when you
Disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t pretend that
I’m alright
And you can’t change me
‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be
My hero?
All the days
You spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’t
Care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t stand another fight
And nothing’ alright
‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Nothing’s gonna change
The things that you said
Nothing’s gonna make this
Right again
Please don’t turn your back
I can’t believe it’s hard
Just to talk to you
But you don’t understand
‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Really like this song. maybe it'd be the next background music. doesn't just apply to 'dad' imo... so appropriate for so many experiences...
Someday/Nickelback
---
How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
Dont think its too late
Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
Well i hoped that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up stringing
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror
Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror
Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
so ash asked me whether i wanted to study together yesterday. agreed thinking that it's a good thing cos at least i will then be 'forced' to sit down and actually study a li'l. don't think can afford to really pack 3 subjects in 3 days. plan was 2.30, got home at bout 1.40. onto my good ol' bed i went and never felt like getting up after that. was late for an entire hour... oh well. lib had no seats... grr... so went mos burger. milk shake was not available... grr... i always digress so much...
couldn't get much down. really ineffective. guess i shouldn't have went out. i think a good nap attack is what i need more. was so not concentrating... that leaves me with still the same equation, 3 subjects, 3 days. this is really bad.
temasek seminar stuff tml, so can't study. don't feel like going at all. even worse now that candy managed to get sick and skip it. terence will probably be with hongyi all the time or sth. don't really know justin. and don't really want to think bout the rest. they are people who actually bothered bout some stupid 'tagline' thingy, thinking of them and calling people out to discuss bout it. oh well, at least these people meant that all we needed to do for that was to vote. hope i'd fall sick from all the 'exertions' in chalet
well, went play lan with patrick and junio later. was absolutely horrible. but when am i not crappy anyway... dunno why but just gradually melancholy set in at night. maybe it's the realisation tt real life is back and it's no longer the comfort zone with familiar people around all the time and nothing pressing. but that don't feels like it hit the target spot on. i wonder why i felt so.
but that kinda brings me to realise that what i'm searching for in life, at least for now, is a life of balance. some people lead a life for achivement and success, some pride it in values, some seek thrill, fun and enjoyment, others a hot, passionate love. i want to be happy, but i don't need to be too happy. i want to do things well, but excelling is not really necessary. well, most of the time anyway. and i'm willing to strive to get this fair bit of everything. not less than required, no need for excess, just enough... libra scales i guess?
still the dour mask of air all over. thought of a conversation with ernest during the chalet while going to the arcade
me: it was so close
ernest: everyone says that
m: maybe it's just me i guess, but it was just so.... intense then
e: have you (blah, blah, blah)
m: yes, no, no, blah, blah
m: but it's like, the whole world just revolved (blah, blah... ugh, i'm just too lazy to type everything. when has this seemingly short conversation become so long...)
and it goes on. guess no one can understand what i'm typing here. huiping was going 'huh? you talking bout that again ar. ugh, never understand what exactly y'all saying' or sth like that. but just want to type it down when i wanna reminisce and reexperience the feelings etc. but now that i'm trying to think bout it from a more objective viewpoint, i guess it's just me. and how everyone likes to convince themselves that it's all within reach. it's more convincing telling yourself that all that's failed was a stupid goof on your part rather than the whole situation being impossible for you right from the start. i guess it's like saying to yourself you're not that bad and everything is reachable if not for that mistake. if you can prevent it from happening again things will be good come next attempt. hmm, i wonder...
music and sleep's what i need during these times... had them on the bus and train back home. and love my ipod. shuffle always chooses the right songs to go with the mood lol. used to not like other pple putting lyrics in their blogs cos it just don't seem smooth reading like that. but now been downloading the song themselves and listening while looking at them. but heck with whatever, i'd just put a few lines
Perfect/Simple Plan
---
Hey Dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according
To plan?
Do you think I’m wasting
My time doing things I
Wanna do?
But it hurts when you
Disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t pretend that
I’m alright
And you can’t change me
‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be
My hero?
All the days
You spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’t
Care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t stand another fight
And nothing’ alright
‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Nothing’s gonna change
The things that you said
Nothing’s gonna make this
Right again
Please don’t turn your back
I can’t believe it’s hard
Just to talk to you
But you don’t understand
‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Really like this song. maybe it'd be the next background music. doesn't just apply to 'dad' imo... so appropriate for so many experiences...
Someday/Nickelback
---
How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
Dont think its too late
Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
Well i hoped that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up stringing
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror
Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror
Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
