Thursday, May 26, 2005
Unconnected thoughts
interesting dream two days back... i was out in an open field of sorts doing something, and then i saw this beautiful bird flying across the sky. raised up my hand and the bird came to it. my, was it beautiful... gazed at its pretty feathers etc admiringly, just in my own world. failed to notice the bird somehow seemed a li'l uncomfortable and seemed like it wanna leave. it nudged me somehow (dreams are weird haha), as if telling me it wanna fly away. was kind of reluctant and sad but relented in the end, letting it fly free. watched its graceful flight, and soon i was willing it to fly on, fly higher to places i can never even imagine. somehow a smile made its way, the disappointment of no longer having it up close gone. mumbled a li'l wish for it and then it's back to my work... doesn't really make much sense, but i wonder... dreams are always so fascinating.
then the past two days have been raining in the morning. and somehow woke with the blues for both days... hmm, this old problem's coming back i guess. used to have a lot of these days in sec sch but thought it improved lots this year. hope it's just a 'blip'. ok, so i woke up feeling just irked bout almost everything. rain would usually just worsen it if it was a year back cos i'd just detest it... how troublesome taking out the umbrella, getting wet, going the long way using the shelters... but somehow the two days was different. there was like something alluring bout the rain. so even though i brought my umbrella i didn't bother using it. if only i didn't have to bother bout going through school all drenched i would have just stay in the rain and be one with it... i just hate it when my logic kicks in... but all for the better i guess. kinda relaxed me a li'l strolling in it, feeling the rain drops on the head, the shirt. listening to the pitter-patter.
i must be watching too many movies/anime for the past two things to happen... at least it's a healthy change from the logic and reasoning dominated me i guess. been trying to supress the urge to deduce every possible reason from what i know recently...
the alpha list thing just sucks. disgusted with the teacher's attitude too during tt briefing. well, granted she wasn't happy with our attitude then, but i just detest pple who act like that. (i guess i hate myself?) thankfully kenneth and i didn't confront her then i guess. 3 disgruntled people can't be a good thing. the pw hod also in charge of this thing seem like a more understanding teacher who's willing to listen to reason. maybe we'd go find her sometime soon. i appreciate the effort to give us more chances to lead, etc but forcing us to these stuff of which half doesn't have any practical value at all? at least i think i might gain some insight through the temasek seminar thing as needless as i think it is but the other stuff. bah.
and talking bout being irritated by certain pple, was unhappy with a few bengs at grassroots today. just what's with that pompous attitude? acting like that when there's no substance inside at all... i dunno whether to pity these people or not... think they act so cos they wanna show their individualistic self, be different but in the end they're just conforming to things other bengs do. i've known a few through playing bball but those i met are actually quite nice and don't act like such a fool. k, so maybe they get rough sometimes, but tt's it... think you're so smart?
i seem to really hate everything these few days eh. yet another thing to complain bout. spa today. but somehow the lesson before spa i allowed myself to get annoyed over one of my classmate's act. it wasn't something bad at all, and definitely not intentional but i just got really unhappy. unhappy just cos there was opposing mindsets towards certain thing. unhappy cos what i think is better is not recognised... i don't understand why i got so worked up over such a small thing but i did. maths tutorial immediately after the incident. masked it under lethargy but don't think i did a too good job. was giving one-word answers. ms bok let us off 10min early to prepare for spa, tried to quell it by sleeping. managed to sleep but still didn't feel exactly well when time's up. i allowed it to affect my spa. haven't spotted any careless mistake yet but i can still remember myself being irked during the spa. i should learn to control this more. maybe i've been lacking sleep. someone (wan lin was it?) told me it'd take a long time to 'recharge' lost sleep so maybe tt's why i'm still feeling so when i've been sleeping quite early recently.
i guess i complain a lot, don't i? can't help it. now on brighter stuff. finally the holidays are coming. not really a holiday at all but at least i can sleep much, much later now (to think i used to have a human alarm clock set at 8). pe remedials, once for pw. a mock common test for chem... leave just enough time to slack and recharge before studying a li'l for the exams. think will feel weird actually incorporating regular revision nowadays considering what i used to do, but guess it's good
first aid duty tml. first time. started reading the first aid manual. first aid's turing out to be much more than the slack cca my original intention was. when i saw first aid's an enriching cca i actually mean it. it's quite interesting actually. hope don't need to do anything cos i'm still so inexperienced but then think it'd be fun. still hoping i'd make it to exco!
been thinking i might make a connoisseur... seems like a nice job. i always take pride in the times when i discover my mom added something to her dishes haha. and being her number one critic when she tries out something new. but again, don't think it's very feasible. need the connections which obviously i don't have. and too risky a job prospect. can't get degree for it lol. still thinking bout ambition... maybe i'd go overseas to get degree in optometry? but don't think dad can sponsor everything. scholarship? hmm... would really love to stay in singapore, but i'd need some direction soon... 3 years...
class party tml for a china scholar... hope it'd be fun. i like my class. nice bunch of guys. just too li'l girls i guess. kinda interesting seeing how all the girls will all each take a table during lessons where groups are assigned by the teachers and in 'free-seating lessons' and all five (sometimes four) will clump together at one table. i guess i just need to change my perspective a bit and not look at others through tinted glasses and the class will be most fine indeed. really respect how wan lin can seem so accomodating and 'forgiving' (?)... so if i can try my best not to view one or two people differently we have quite a fun class indeed.
seen some of the 04 first three months photos. and as much as i say i like my class and it's fun i think it's no match to that. that balancing act again of old friends vs new ones. think i'm doing it fine. bowled with some of them today. nice though my games were horrible. and we're taking lots of photos at every opportunity haha. so SOME PEOPLE think we look like idiots but who cares... we're having fun.
be yourself day ^^. first aid duty! hope it rains tml
then the past two days have been raining in the morning. and somehow woke with the blues for both days... hmm, this old problem's coming back i guess. used to have a lot of these days in sec sch but thought it improved lots this year. hope it's just a 'blip'. ok, so i woke up feeling just irked bout almost everything. rain would usually just worsen it if it was a year back cos i'd just detest it... how troublesome taking out the umbrella, getting wet, going the long way using the shelters... but somehow the two days was different. there was like something alluring bout the rain. so even though i brought my umbrella i didn't bother using it. if only i didn't have to bother bout going through school all drenched i would have just stay in the rain and be one with it... i just hate it when my logic kicks in... but all for the better i guess. kinda relaxed me a li'l strolling in it, feeling the rain drops on the head, the shirt. listening to the pitter-patter.
i must be watching too many movies/anime for the past two things to happen... at least it's a healthy change from the logic and reasoning dominated me i guess. been trying to supress the urge to deduce every possible reason from what i know recently...
the alpha list thing just sucks. disgusted with the teacher's attitude too during tt briefing. well, granted she wasn't happy with our attitude then, but i just detest pple who act like that. (i guess i hate myself?) thankfully kenneth and i didn't confront her then i guess. 3 disgruntled people can't be a good thing. the pw hod also in charge of this thing seem like a more understanding teacher who's willing to listen to reason. maybe we'd go find her sometime soon. i appreciate the effort to give us more chances to lead, etc but forcing us to these stuff of which half doesn't have any practical value at all? at least i think i might gain some insight through the temasek seminar thing as needless as i think it is but the other stuff. bah.
and talking bout being irritated by certain pple, was unhappy with a few bengs at grassroots today. just what's with that pompous attitude? acting like that when there's no substance inside at all... i dunno whether to pity these people or not... think they act so cos they wanna show their individualistic self, be different but in the end they're just conforming to things other bengs do. i've known a few through playing bball but those i met are actually quite nice and don't act like such a fool. k, so maybe they get rough sometimes, but tt's it... think you're so smart?
i seem to really hate everything these few days eh. yet another thing to complain bout. spa today. but somehow the lesson before spa i allowed myself to get annoyed over one of my classmate's act. it wasn't something bad at all, and definitely not intentional but i just got really unhappy. unhappy just cos there was opposing mindsets towards certain thing. unhappy cos what i think is better is not recognised... i don't understand why i got so worked up over such a small thing but i did. maths tutorial immediately after the incident. masked it under lethargy but don't think i did a too good job. was giving one-word answers. ms bok let us off 10min early to prepare for spa, tried to quell it by sleeping. managed to sleep but still didn't feel exactly well when time's up. i allowed it to affect my spa. haven't spotted any careless mistake yet but i can still remember myself being irked during the spa. i should learn to control this more. maybe i've been lacking sleep. someone (wan lin was it?) told me it'd take a long time to 'recharge' lost sleep so maybe tt's why i'm still feeling so when i've been sleeping quite early recently.
i guess i complain a lot, don't i? can't help it. now on brighter stuff. finally the holidays are coming. not really a holiday at all but at least i can sleep much, much later now (to think i used to have a human alarm clock set at 8). pe remedials, once for pw. a mock common test for chem... leave just enough time to slack and recharge before studying a li'l for the exams. think will feel weird actually incorporating regular revision nowadays considering what i used to do, but guess it's good
first aid duty tml. first time. started reading the first aid manual. first aid's turing out to be much more than the slack cca my original intention was. when i saw first aid's an enriching cca i actually mean it. it's quite interesting actually. hope don't need to do anything cos i'm still so inexperienced but then think it'd be fun. still hoping i'd make it to exco!
been thinking i might make a connoisseur... seems like a nice job. i always take pride in the times when i discover my mom added something to her dishes haha. and being her number one critic when she tries out something new. but again, don't think it's very feasible. need the connections which obviously i don't have. and too risky a job prospect. can't get degree for it lol. still thinking bout ambition... maybe i'd go overseas to get degree in optometry? but don't think dad can sponsor everything. scholarship? hmm... would really love to stay in singapore, but i'd need some direction soon... 3 years...
class party tml for a china scholar... hope it'd be fun. i like my class. nice bunch of guys. just too li'l girls i guess. kinda interesting seeing how all the girls will all each take a table during lessons where groups are assigned by the teachers and in 'free-seating lessons' and all five (sometimes four) will clump together at one table. i guess i just need to change my perspective a bit and not look at others through tinted glasses and the class will be most fine indeed. really respect how wan lin can seem so accomodating and 'forgiving' (?)... so if i can try my best not to view one or two people differently we have quite a fun class indeed.
seen some of the 04 first three months photos. and as much as i say i like my class and it's fun i think it's no match to that. that balancing act again of old friends vs new ones. think i'm doing it fine. bowled with some of them today. nice though my games were horrible. and we're taking lots of photos at every opportunity haha. so SOME PEOPLE think we look like idiots but who cares... we're having fun.
be yourself day ^^. first aid duty! hope it rains tml
