Monday, May 02, 2005
Somebody told me...
[edit: sorry for the expletives... don't continue if it offends...]
I think i'm too soft, perhaps... well, i never like being aggressive and making things difficult for everyone anyway. what's so bad bout taking that step back and compromise to avoid things apiralling out of hand i always think. in fact, i think the only time i really went into a rage was tt time with dad... come to think of it, was kinda scary then. both of us had fists ready already before the shove ended things thankfully... the spoiled sliding door in the bathroom is still there, testament to that day. haha, to think it seemed so trivial now... other times it's just been limited to a scowl or just walking off i think. i should be happy with that i guess, but well, i'm not...
there's just so many times where i feel like a freaking bastard who just can't make a firm stand to save my goddamned ass. why am i still saying sorries, thank yous and no problems when i should be cursing others with spite and scorn. why can't i bring myself to hate when others do so easily but try to take out the good points instead... why am i so ready to forgive sometimes when others don't even bother to come up with a moronic, lame-ass reason...
i'm tired of accomodating, tired of feeling guilty whenever i decide to go about my selfish ways, tired of playing by some freakin' idiotic principles i made up myself while others just do it however they want blatantly... i don't want to waver again after making my stupid decision on what i wanna do, at least not cos of some insignificant things
mind, it's not like i no longer want to help others anymore. i still do. i want to be there when my friends need me, i want to make a difference to someone's life and keep making others' days. but to those accursed jackasses, just fuck off. why should i try so hard when they don't care.
i'd probably get over this soon. i can never stay angry for long. but for now, just let me revel in being pissed off and ranting my head off bout those idiots. i'm not a saint i know, and i readily admit to harbouring mild distastes towards certain people. but at least i don't go bout pretentiously and mislead others. or so i think. i wonder if others think tt i'm a numbskull or what. the very minimal one can do when pretending is to at least cover up the tracks half-decent. and if tt was intentional, why don't just spit it in my face...
no more reining myself in next time i see that damned pompous attitude. stop whining when all tt'd happened is cos of what you did. don't you expect any concern, bitch... nice guy. heh
I think i'm too soft, perhaps... well, i never like being aggressive and making things difficult for everyone anyway. what's so bad bout taking that step back and compromise to avoid things apiralling out of hand i always think. in fact, i think the only time i really went into a rage was tt time with dad... come to think of it, was kinda scary then. both of us had fists ready already before the shove ended things thankfully... the spoiled sliding door in the bathroom is still there, testament to that day. haha, to think it seemed so trivial now... other times it's just been limited to a scowl or just walking off i think. i should be happy with that i guess, but well, i'm not...
there's just so many times where i feel like a freaking bastard who just can't make a firm stand to save my goddamned ass. why am i still saying sorries, thank yous and no problems when i should be cursing others with spite and scorn. why can't i bring myself to hate when others do so easily but try to take out the good points instead... why am i so ready to forgive sometimes when others don't even bother to come up with a moronic, lame-ass reason...
i'm tired of accomodating, tired of feeling guilty whenever i decide to go about my selfish ways, tired of playing by some freakin' idiotic principles i made up myself while others just do it however they want blatantly... i don't want to waver again after making my stupid decision on what i wanna do, at least not cos of some insignificant things
mind, it's not like i no longer want to help others anymore. i still do. i want to be there when my friends need me, i want to make a difference to someone's life and keep making others' days. but to those accursed jackasses, just fuck off. why should i try so hard when they don't care.
i'd probably get over this soon. i can never stay angry for long. but for now, just let me revel in being pissed off and ranting my head off bout those idiots. i'm not a saint i know, and i readily admit to harbouring mild distastes towards certain people. but at least i don't go bout pretentiously and mislead others. or so i think. i wonder if others think tt i'm a numbskull or what. the very minimal one can do when pretending is to at least cover up the tracks half-decent. and if tt was intentional, why don't just spit it in my face...
no more reining myself in next time i see that damned pompous attitude. stop whining when all tt'd happened is cos of what you did. don't you expect any concern, bitch... nice guy. heh
