Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Befuddled
Don't you just hate it when you just think and think and think bout certain things and can never seem to figure them out? And isn't it even worse when there's no one around who can give you the answer. what if you know you just cannot get the it but still really want to know it...
i think i really need to give myself a break during these times lah. somehow i must learn to douse this desire to know when needed. at one point in time there was this apathetic guy who don't care, but tt guy had gone mia for some time already. at least i guess it's good in a certain sense. sometimes it just takes tt li'l extra bit of determination to figuring things out. but there are times where i should just know myself, not stress out and throw in the towel i guess. i used to go on 'walks' midway through studying just to relax, just wandering aimlessly around outside the lib/mac i happen to be studying in, looking out, letting my mind wander and just not think bout anything, letting the whole word pass by myself. think i should start dong tt i guess
in a sense tt's why i like to gaze at the sky/clouds/stars/moon/sea/scenery sometimes. basically just looking past everything into the distance. just feel like nothing will bother you during these times and i can just think bout whatever i want. but tt's also why i sometimes think too much, a problem i'm aware of but can't seem to change much. i think i must have thought of countless conspiracy theories before. like something like will happen to my life. and i do tt even without watching much television/shows on them if any. sometimes i'd think of the most impossible yet plausible situation happening... not exactly good as it'd just lead to worries at times. at least i think i'm starting to do tt less. thinking... what a weird thing...
ok, enough of my philosophy of the day... tutorials starting tml, hope things will go well with my class. today things have been going kinda good. sat with my class for a few lectures. was like alternating between a social mood talking and mingling with others and being anti-social suddenly feel like just keeping mum... but first steps i guess with the class. hopefully tml can be in totally social mood and interact more. so far it seems like a pretty good class... let's see how things go. and today's 'maiden sentence' was 'you're the one from zhonghua right?', a quantum upgrade from the old hot no.1 favourite pick-up line on yours truly of 'are you from 04?/you from 04 meh?'. ok, spewing crap's a good sign. crap seems to be appreciated in social interactions ^^
st tj i've had the immense luck to be under 2 great tutors (mr ngoh-fm, mrs foo-chem), a rather good one (mrs lim-fm), a decent one (ms panai-gp)... i'd really like to thank them here sincerely for the 3 months though i've ponned so many lessons. learn't a lot from them. (ok, so maybe i shoud thank the horrible phy tutor mr neo and reminds-me-of-milder-version-of-zhang ??? lao shi too lah...)
don't think the tutors at aj can match up to mr ngoh and mrs foo but hope they'd be good. fm tutors already look pretty good, chinese cum form tutor seem quite 'kind' (her qiao she gets on my nerve sometimes though, but what can u do when a teacher seems to be smiling most of the time kinda joking bout being strict). hope the others can be at least decent.
and since tml is like considered the first official day with my new class to me, like to just type out my appreciation to the friends i've made at tj. kinda tried to rein myself in from making too close bonds when i decided i was leaving early on but still, friends will still be friends. in particular yi chao for the really nice conversations and sharing, darryl for being like sort of a leader for the guys in the cg and rui teck for the really funny moments during orientation... really so sad he turned out to be in the other cg... matthew for being a great ogl. cg 21, og9 kaku (hey, i haven't got the tshirt i paid money for lol. but guess is my fault for ponning so much)... scg 01... wai xing, eng shaw, jeffrey, wendy, grace, hui yan, pei fen, lay sian, guan wei, chai luan, mei lian, teck kheng, kenneth... hmm, sorry i can't remember the rest off hand.... and lymon haha. thank you for the 3 months. been a great time bar the horrible, horrible long days coupled with the travelling. a lot of times i find myself thinking back bout those days and think to myself i enjoyed myself there. i'm happy for tt...
and since i'm on the subject of tj i just wanna wish ash the best there. he'd survive, i'm sure, but i think it's kinda sad how the four of us, candy and weiteng all left, leaving him there... and somehow i have the feeling lymon and aaron will be going back there if they could have made another choice. dunno if i'd ever see him again... maybe i should go bout planning some sort of gathering for our group... and on that, can't help but think of eric in australia. wonder how he's doing...
i must be in this thankyou/wishing well mood... so while i'm still at it want to thank shiu hei for the past few days for accompanying me most of the times, esp during fmaths lessons. guess we have to start mingling with our classes from now. think gonna play pool tml. yay ^^. more chance to make a big fool of myself... ok, enough of this entry before i go on more bout thanking this and that etc.
i think i really need to give myself a break during these times lah. somehow i must learn to douse this desire to know when needed. at one point in time there was this apathetic guy who don't care, but tt guy had gone mia for some time already. at least i guess it's good in a certain sense. sometimes it just takes tt li'l extra bit of determination to figuring things out. but there are times where i should just know myself, not stress out and throw in the towel i guess. i used to go on 'walks' midway through studying just to relax, just wandering aimlessly around outside the lib/mac i happen to be studying in, looking out, letting my mind wander and just not think bout anything, letting the whole word pass by myself. think i should start dong tt i guess
in a sense tt's why i like to gaze at the sky/clouds/stars/moon/sea/scenery sometimes. basically just looking past everything into the distance. just feel like nothing will bother you during these times and i can just think bout whatever i want. but tt's also why i sometimes think too much, a problem i'm aware of but can't seem to change much. i think i must have thought of countless conspiracy theories before. like something like will happen to my life. and i do tt even without watching much television/shows on them if any. sometimes i'd think of the most impossible yet plausible situation happening... not exactly good as it'd just lead to worries at times. at least i think i'm starting to do tt less. thinking... what a weird thing...
ok, enough of my philosophy of the day... tutorials starting tml, hope things will go well with my class. today things have been going kinda good. sat with my class for a few lectures. was like alternating between a social mood talking and mingling with others and being anti-social suddenly feel like just keeping mum... but first steps i guess with the class. hopefully tml can be in totally social mood and interact more. so far it seems like a pretty good class... let's see how things go. and today's 'maiden sentence' was 'you're the one from zhonghua right?', a quantum upgrade from the old hot no.1 favourite pick-up line on yours truly of 'are you from 04?/you from 04 meh?'. ok, spewing crap's a good sign. crap seems to be appreciated in social interactions ^^
st tj i've had the immense luck to be under 2 great tutors (mr ngoh-fm, mrs foo-chem), a rather good one (mrs lim-fm), a decent one (ms panai-gp)... i'd really like to thank them here sincerely for the 3 months though i've ponned so many lessons. learn't a lot from them. (ok, so maybe i shoud thank the horrible phy tutor mr neo and reminds-me-of-milder-version-of-zhang ??? lao shi too lah...)
don't think the tutors at aj can match up to mr ngoh and mrs foo but hope they'd be good. fm tutors already look pretty good, chinese cum form tutor seem quite 'kind' (her qiao she gets on my nerve sometimes though, but what can u do when a teacher seems to be smiling most of the time kinda joking bout being strict). hope the others can be at least decent.
and since tml is like considered the first official day with my new class to me, like to just type out my appreciation to the friends i've made at tj. kinda tried to rein myself in from making too close bonds when i decided i was leaving early on but still, friends will still be friends. in particular yi chao for the really nice conversations and sharing, darryl for being like sort of a leader for the guys in the cg and rui teck for the really funny moments during orientation... really so sad he turned out to be in the other cg... matthew for being a great ogl. cg 21, og9 kaku (hey, i haven't got the tshirt i paid money for lol. but guess is my fault for ponning so much)... scg 01... wai xing, eng shaw, jeffrey, wendy, grace, hui yan, pei fen, lay sian, guan wei, chai luan, mei lian, teck kheng, kenneth... hmm, sorry i can't remember the rest off hand.... and lymon haha. thank you for the 3 months. been a great time bar the horrible, horrible long days coupled with the travelling. a lot of times i find myself thinking back bout those days and think to myself i enjoyed myself there. i'm happy for tt...
and since i'm on the subject of tj i just wanna wish ash the best there. he'd survive, i'm sure, but i think it's kinda sad how the four of us, candy and weiteng all left, leaving him there... and somehow i have the feeling lymon and aaron will be going back there if they could have made another choice. dunno if i'd ever see him again... maybe i should go bout planning some sort of gathering for our group... and on that, can't help but think of eric in australia. wonder how he's doing...
i must be in this thankyou/wishing well mood... so while i'm still at it want to thank shiu hei for the past few days for accompanying me most of the times, esp during fmaths lessons. guess we have to start mingling with our classes from now. think gonna play pool tml. yay ^^. more chance to make a big fool of myself... ok, enough of this entry before i go on more bout thanking this and that etc.
