The simpler life...

another tiring day at school, but nothing too bad happening until last period, civics... according to civics tutor posting results will only be released one month after we submit our application, and we have to report back to our current provisional one until then. and unlike how we were promised earlier we ain't getting any day off after results release. 2 periods of civics on the next day and back to the mindless slogging...

since we have to stay there for so much longer than expected, there goes all plans to pon all tutorials until the last week at tj... i think i might have put too much hope and expectations on the results release. deluded myself too much that all this stress piling up can lessen a li'l when results come out... looks like tt's not the case. during civics i was in a totally horrible mood. i wonder how many expletives i would have come up with if i voiced out what i was thinking... and even though civics tutor cracked a few jokes can't seem to lighten up...

thankfully it's a li'l better now. last time when i felt down i would sit in bed, thinking bout the sad incident again and again, getting into the state where tears are about to flow out but just can't seem to do so, tire myself out like that, fall asleep and everything will be so much better after waking up. this time was feeling a li'l better, thought sleeping will help clear everything but ended up feeling a li'l more irritated than before after that. thankfully have a few funny animes just downloaded and it managed to lighten things quite a fair bit.

there goes the rather decent week it'd been. at least not as horrible as last week, but hopefully things will get better. results will probably be out on monday given there's no announcement up til now... but then again results release don't seem so holy a day anymore after realising that there's more to come.

civics tutor suggested to those feeling stressed out to take 3 subjects after 2nd intake cos most pple end up dropping a subject after promos if they're not going for scholarship. seriously considering it now... i don't think i can take 2 years of this kind of timetable... to think i actually wanted to take a maths s paper just out of interest sake. if only things can work out all fine... and really regretting dropping higher chinese now. so i've been failing more than half of my higher chinese tests but i think might have been able to scrape through o levels what... sure, have to put up with zhang for 2 more years but it's a lot of time a week for chinese. and whatever is worse, chinese teacher now knows zhang and sometimes remind me of her (thankfully she like only a mild version of zhang, or at least for now)... ponned her lessons the past two days thinking i would never attend her lessons again but looks like have to go back now with the plan... and she wanted a parents letter when she saw me today... bleh...

oh, i was on taking 3 subjects... i'm really at a loss. on one hand i really like maths and wanna take fmaths, but it happens to come with physics, and chem is needed for quite a lot of uni courses... so if i'm gonna take 3, probably gonna be fmaths i'd be dropping... on one hand i'm telling myself if i can concentrate on 3 and score well then it's alright but on the other hand i have the interest and think of those triple science students who's even worse off then me. surely if they can handle, i shouldn't fair too badly right...

i can't really pinpoint why jc life just seems such a big step from secondary school... actually as bad as the time table seems it's only one or two super late days while the other days are like secondary school. but somehow every day always drag on. sec school have it's fair share of lessons i really dread what (i remember those days pointing at the timetable on the board and going sigh, bio...) but somehow there are days which can just pass by like that... and there are days where basketball can stretch to 8 but it doesn't feel half as long as when the days end at 5.15 or it club stretches to 7... maybe it's the travelling, but i'm already so tired 3 lessons into the day... less travelling help can't help that much what...

there are days i try to convince myself that it's not so bad and i'd make it through but gimme one tutorial or two and i'm dead beat yet again... hmm, maybe i will take to dad one of these days and talk bout skipping some tutorials in the coming days... don't think he'd be too happy with the idea, but... or maybe i can try talk to some of the teachers and state my stand and see what they say... hmm...

bleh, i still have so much to rant bout but don't really feel like continuing anymore. at least i've gotten some things off my chest and not feeling so bad anymore. note to myself to rant bout the 2 voices and adapting to secondary school next time i am in this mood again (probably tml)