The simpler life...

(seems like whenever i think i'm not gonna update frequently i come back the next day and write sth... wrote sth yesterday but looked like something happened and it's lost so i'd try touch a bit on what i wrote then)

WEDNESDAY

went for CO practice after sch, and my, was i shocked and a li'l disappointed. when i was about to graduate from p sch xu lao shi, my yangqin instructress then had painted an image of CO in secondary school and beyond being much less intense than what i'd went through and easier cope, so i went in with a prima-donna mindset in a way...

lo and behold tjco turned out to be (according to the instructor) the second best co in singapore after the singapore chinese orchestra society or sth like that... scary. he talked bout syf and general co expectations but still it was going a li'l alright. after that training started and i was stumped...

i was rusty, yes, but it was more than tt. it turned out that the songs played were very tough, comparable to the songs i used to play or of an even higher standard, but that's not it. they featured the changing of keys midway through the songs, something i've never experienced. and all three songs were in different keys (at least at the start before the changings)...

i got too used to g major during p sch and though i picked up a li'l c and d major it was too li'l too late and i'd definitely have to work doubly hard if i want to make it to the team. then later realised that one of the members turned out to be the best yangqin player in the nation age-group wise (according to my understanding of the instructor's chim chinese which i hardly understood at all) and the other two were pretty good as well...

i was definitely in no standard to compete with them now... and i wonder bout the others who signed up but didn't come. so there i was thinking of whether i should commit myself and go for it but then all of i sudden i got a familiar yet strange feeling... like i just remembered something i've forgotten for a very long time... i realised that the feeling was that of how i felt when i fell out with yangqin nearing the end of p sch. the feeling that i might no longer like it any more because my priorities are not set right...

in the end decided co was definitely not for me, at least not tjco. ok, so done with wednesday now...

THURSDAY (TODAY)

after sch today went back to zhss... met up with old friends, talked for a bit and it was pretty fun. would liked to have talked to some teachers, but oh well. don't feel like elaborating on it too much...

and i've finally come to a decision: i'd be going to aj after 3 months, results permitting... have been thinking bout it for a long while... distance was the biggest factor in the end. i can withstand it now, but i don't think i can last come nearing the end of the year with tutorials piling up, cca commitments, preparation for promos and my own life to attend to with 3h of travelling every day... i'm afraid i'd be unable to cope, unable to withstand tt pressure and collapse if i stay

there are the things i'd be leaving behind though... i've grown a to like tjc quite a fair bit. the sch compound's pretty nice. i like the lts and the lectures so far. i've known quite some pple in my cg and og, while not a lot but at least i know their names and they know mine with the ice broken a li'l. the freedom they give us (at least for now). the sch system i'm starting to grow used to...

i think i'd miss those things if i do go to aj. i have a feeling the lessons won't be as gd, i might struggle to fit in initially with most pple there already acclimatised to it and the no handphone rule is *bleh*... the environment's old and many more gripes and stuff... but in the end, i decided that the difference in travelling was just too much... i will just have to enjoy myself to the fullest during my remaining time at tj and try my best to enjoy myself at aj if things turn out like that. no point sulking and all...

also been thinking bout cca... feel the pearls system is kinda biased... but oh well. after what happened at co i thought cca might be one of the plus points in aj but turns out the situation's as bad, at least for me. i can't seem to find something i really want to join. my horrible stamina and inwillingness to train too hard strikes most sports out of the least. lack of experience leaves only a few left, and i don't seem to have a passion for those left to pick them up. for performing arts i only have co, which turned out like that. and aj co is under the same instructor as tj co, so...

moreover i'm not wiling to commit too much (i think it's just my fault lah. how can someone expect things if he's not wiling to work hard)... but it's not tt i want to get an 'a' or 'b' for it or sth. i'd readily settle for a 'c' grade for my cca and i don't mind contributing in a way too. i'd try to be proactive in entering maths and science related competitions. i don't mind being a treasurer for either class or cca. but i'd struggle big time in achievement and representation if i'm joining a club which will most likely be the case. in tj i might wanna commit and join the science council with the researches which should earn me some points but now that i think i might go aj i think i'm stuck with it club and maybe publishing... and scrabble don't look too likely with no inter-college competitions scheduled and i don't think individual competitions will count...

enough of rants for now. dear blog readers, i'm sorry for boring u here just lamenting about my own problems which you'd probably not be concerned bout. i just need an avenue to get things off my chest a bit... still have some stuff to recount here and there but don't really feel like typing anymore so that's all from me

[PLACEHOLDER... JUST A REMINDER FOR MYSELF TO BLOG ON SUCCESS EITHER AS A CONTINUATION OR ON A NEW ENTRY...]