Saturday, November 13, 2004
Lies, deceit
i have no idea how it had happened but i've realised that i can lie so easily with a straight face nowadays. when i was a kid, i used to hate myself for lying, and have always dreaded whatever punishment i would have if there was indeed hell. but now, i seems so much more convenient to lie to make everything go smoothly.
"It's all right," i always tell people when sometimes i'm fuming inside and can't help but lay all the blame on others.
"Things will turn out fine" i say, trying to reassure people. Then i go on and speak with this enthusiasm and zest as if i'm really looking forward to some things and am dreaming about how good it'd be, all just to try reassure people and try to convince people that i'm very fine.
But do you really expect this downright pessismist to look up and think that everything will be a fairytale? this mechanism is just inside me, making me think of the worst everytime. but society and the general public is never kind to pessismists, so i just have to speak under this veil and make myself seem as if i'm very happy about the way things are. if i acted otherwise, i think i might have been placed under counselling or things like that years ago.
but at least i'm conforming, what i intend to do more of and am saying what will bemore accepted. there's no such thing as individualism and happiness together anyway...
"It's all right," i always tell people when sometimes i'm fuming inside and can't help but lay all the blame on others.
"Things will turn out fine" i say, trying to reassure people. Then i go on and speak with this enthusiasm and zest as if i'm really looking forward to some things and am dreaming about how good it'd be, all just to try reassure people and try to convince people that i'm very fine.
But do you really expect this downright pessismist to look up and think that everything will be a fairytale? this mechanism is just inside me, making me think of the worst everytime. but society and the general public is never kind to pessismists, so i just have to speak under this veil and make myself seem as if i'm very happy about the way things are. if i acted otherwise, i think i might have been placed under counselling or things like that years ago.
but at least i'm conforming, what i intend to do more of and am saying what will bemore accepted. there's no such thing as individualism and happiness together anyway...
