Friday, October 08, 2004
In the end...
had a long chat with ash, lymon and terence, and realised that lymon and terence are suffering from the same problem as i m. lymon wants to give up, and as much as i want to try motivate him i have no right to do so as i myself had given up as well. but still, i want to give him the strength to take that extra step forward so that i can be given the strength myself to do it. i just do not have the courage, and i need lots of strength if i m to improve. can't help but wonder again how that two empty years with the combination of wrong priorities on my side and the bad luck to be in a bad environment and atmosphere affected me. i can never get my two yrs back, but at my state even two years is not enough.
terence, on the other hand, talks bout trying to work on changing and improving. he points out that i definitely have a lot to do, and while i have to agree with him, i can't bring myself to keep trying. i dun wanna grasp at thin air anymore, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel in sight but still unable to reach there. i dun wanna put in so much effort but see no improvement in the end. i juz wanna fall by the wayside, slow down and stop in this neverending race, letting everyone else overtake. who knows, maybe i'd be the luckies person in the world and someone will sincerely want to help me up, guide me through being alive once more and stay with me by my side through thick and thin.
i yearn, i desire, but i can't go anywhere if i dun even try. on one hand, i wanna be myself and not change juz to fit others, but if i dun do anything to improve myself, i'd never be able to achieve one of my most important dreams. sometimes i really admire ash even though he might have a trick too many at times. i really wonder how he's able to take these things in his stride so easily... in fact, i wanna be a lot of pple. i hate myself, but i gotta accept it. everyone have their own problems to handle, and it's whether we can overcome them that determines if we're successful. will i be able to come up top?
terence, on the other hand, talks bout trying to work on changing and improving. he points out that i definitely have a lot to do, and while i have to agree with him, i can't bring myself to keep trying. i dun wanna grasp at thin air anymore, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel in sight but still unable to reach there. i dun wanna put in so much effort but see no improvement in the end. i juz wanna fall by the wayside, slow down and stop in this neverending race, letting everyone else overtake. who knows, maybe i'd be the luckies person in the world and someone will sincerely want to help me up, guide me through being alive once more and stay with me by my side through thick and thin.
i yearn, i desire, but i can't go anywhere if i dun even try. on one hand, i wanna be myself and not change juz to fit others, but if i dun do anything to improve myself, i'd never be able to achieve one of my most important dreams. sometimes i really admire ash even though he might have a trick too many at times. i really wonder how he's able to take these things in his stride so easily... in fact, i wanna be a lot of pple. i hate myself, but i gotta accept it. everyone have their own problems to handle, and it's whether we can overcome them that determines if we're successful. will i be able to come up top?
