Monday, October 11, 2004
I Believe (in myself)
Everthing's gonna come to an end soon, but everything's gonna start as well. i really didn't expect it to be so fast. after all, there's still so much i need to do. i need to do more maths and chem papers to make sure i really know everything and m careful enuf, i need to do more physics to grasp the concepts better and learn how to phrase my answers, i need to read more books, newspapers and magazines as well as write more compos, guided and do more compres and summarys to improve my english, i need to restudy all my geog and ss stuff, i need to do more humanities qns to get the skills right... i need to...
somehow i know i'm never ever gonna do all that. i'm starting to really fret, and i wanna press that panic button... however, i know it'd do me no gd. belief, i tell myself, that's what i always tell others... believe in yourself. however, at this critical stage, i'm not too sure. juz like in every exam, i know i could have study that li'l bit harder... i keep telling myself i've never tried so hard, but still, i dun wanna have another chinese where i look back and think that i could have worked this much harder.
but think bout it, i'm very much more hardworking now. no more studying 4 tests on the bus on the way to sch, no more hw rush + copying in sch in the morning... in fact, i'm getting exhausted from all these. last time, i'd study for tests, read a bk or play my gba on the way to sch and back, but now i can't help but doze off whenever i have the chance. when i finally reach home at around 8.30 or so every day, i turn on the computer but almost never boot up a game because i juz dun have the energy to do so. and whenever i come home early, i'd take a nap. a long nap. sigh...
soon, we'd be all moving on. i've had my complains and everything bout the sch and everything in it, but i can't deny that i've grown attached to it. lol, i sound so sentimental nowadays. i think i must juz cry soon if this continues. actually, i wouldn't mind crying now. it's been p3 since i really shed a tear and sec 2 when i felt really, really down, but this time it's so different, so surreal.
i want more time, to be with my friends, to study for the 'o's. but even that will not be enuf cos i know i can't concentrate that well and i'd juz waste most of the time away. i wanna think of the gd things that follow after the exams, but somehow i'm not exactly eagerly anticipating it. sure, i'd like everything to end, but i've grown so used to studying after sch and everything that my life might juz seem meaningless after it and everything takes a nosedive...
hmmm... i've always wanted my blog to be something more than a typical teenager's blog, something which can really reach out and make pple think bout things but seems like i'm not doing it. all this talk bout exam stress and everything... who can't find things like that... but it's my life, and at least i'd make sure everything here's what i really feel and my true self. this part of me...
somehow i know i'm never ever gonna do all that. i'm starting to really fret, and i wanna press that panic button... however, i know it'd do me no gd. belief, i tell myself, that's what i always tell others... believe in yourself. however, at this critical stage, i'm not too sure. juz like in every exam, i know i could have study that li'l bit harder... i keep telling myself i've never tried so hard, but still, i dun wanna have another chinese where i look back and think that i could have worked this much harder.
but think bout it, i'm very much more hardworking now. no more studying 4 tests on the bus on the way to sch, no more hw rush + copying in sch in the morning... in fact, i'm getting exhausted from all these. last time, i'd study for tests, read a bk or play my gba on the way to sch and back, but now i can't help but doze off whenever i have the chance. when i finally reach home at around 8.30 or so every day, i turn on the computer but almost never boot up a game because i juz dun have the energy to do so. and whenever i come home early, i'd take a nap. a long nap. sigh...
soon, we'd be all moving on. i've had my complains and everything bout the sch and everything in it, but i can't deny that i've grown attached to it. lol, i sound so sentimental nowadays. i think i must juz cry soon if this continues. actually, i wouldn't mind crying now. it's been p3 since i really shed a tear and sec 2 when i felt really, really down, but this time it's so different, so surreal.
i want more time, to be with my friends, to study for the 'o's. but even that will not be enuf cos i know i can't concentrate that well and i'd juz waste most of the time away. i wanna think of the gd things that follow after the exams, but somehow i'm not exactly eagerly anticipating it. sure, i'd like everything to end, but i've grown so used to studying after sch and everything that my life might juz seem meaningless after it and everything takes a nosedive...
hmmm... i've always wanted my blog to be something more than a typical teenager's blog, something which can really reach out and make pple think bout things but seems like i'm not doing it. all this talk bout exam stress and everything... who can't find things like that... but it's my life, and at least i'd make sure everything here's what i really feel and my true self. this part of me...
