Friday, August 20, 2004
Superb double espresso, accursed taliban and philosophies here and there
again, couldn't blog yesterday due to the sheer amount of things i have to do (basically juz studying, studying and studying, but juz barely managed to catch some sg idol and olympics), so will fill in on both days (yesterday and today) now, with life looking rather active 4 my week.
first, let me get the gd things out first be4 i start complaining bout lots of things... the wonderful week seemed to have ended yesterday with the trip on the mrt home really horrible. couldn't get a seat, and was juz half asleep standing up and feeling juz plain atrocious. however, after getting to the cafe, ordered a double espresso, probably the strongest coffee i've ever taken. though it did take some time to really perk me up, i left the library feeling really alert and sharp thanks to the extra dose of caffeine. suddenly, everything seemed to look bright once again and it really looked like a splendid day 4 me then... also, thought i might not get to sleep at night thanks to that but guess it now proves my theory that caffeine doesn't really work on me in terms of helping me stay awake (though the only reason i could have lasted that studying was that double espresso). now gimme a triple espresso some time.
so things looking up yet again for the fourth day in a row, but things soon got to a turn... horrible PE... generally wasn't feeling too high already in the morning, but PE was juz a nail in the coffin. well, accursed terence volunteered our group to do the 'creative game' thing, and with no one else willing to contribute, i decided to brief the class while he went to take the things. so it started, with me going on with my stupid way of explaining things. taliban wasn't too happy it seems but at least nth wrong so far...
then the games started, and again no one wanted to shoulder responsibility. lymon and vinnie muz go away to train after failing their napfas, u can't expect aaron the apathetic to do anything and waimeng was, as usual if i was to say (no offence, though), more interested in playing. in the end, even terence decided he wanted to go join in the fun. so, nvm, i took decided not to shirk my duties and handled the officiating. turned out the rules didn't really work (well, i wasn't too impressed with the plan in the first place, but at least i thought they could pull it off) and everything was horrible. and to think we had such a long lesson and i had to endure that doing nth.
so, finally, at the end of the lesson, taliban was debriefing us. and my was i disappointed... disapointed with 'disappointed', if u know what i mean. sure, i have to say i sucked big time and juz wasn't up to it, but i dun think that 'disappointment' was just... it's one thing to point out what i did wrong (at least she did that in the end) but it's totally another thing to say u're especially disappointed in someone... and especially so if that someone actually cared and bothered and tried to do his part while others did not... i didn't think we did bad enuf to warrant a c mark as well, with her almost failing us... sure, it was horrible and all, but i thought at the end of the day a b- would be more appropriate considerning we did get things done, and done alrite.
but back to the disappointment... i'm not trying to restore pride to myself or blame my group members or anything, but i'm disappointed as well in her assessment. again i muz emphasize that i did not do the job properly, but to be most disappointed in me when there r two members who didn't even do a shit thing (guess i'm getting kinda emotional now... juz had an urge to type an expletive, and shit was not it) juz doesn't feel rite... so, lesson learnt? why bother... why care? why give a damn bout things when juz being plain apathetic can let u squirrel out of blame and everything... so y did i even bothered and cared? what's the point? shouldn't i juz let others do the things...
and that's well i'm really pissed off bout that. sure, she definitely didn't mean to encourage apathy or sth, but wat she did was as gd as that, at least to me. so, if i juz hide in one corner, not do my job and appear as if i'm not in the group and only turn up in the end i'd escape any form of criticism? if i try shoulder some responsibility this is what i get? so wat's the message she's sending? and she actually talked as if terence was the saviour of our group... as if i would have caused the team to fail and he helped turn the tide and we passed. sure, credit to terence for at least trying and he did a pretty gd job, but surely i didn't do that badly?
and now, i'm really seriously thinking y i should actually care nowadays... juz this yr i resolved to be 'pathetic rather than apathetic' but is it working? is it worth it? i'm mulling over whether there's anything wrong with my philosophy... it sounds gd enuf, and while i can still improve, i've pretty much stuck to it, so y does this things happen? i dun go round 'asking' for extra burdens, but at the end of the day, i believe that i should absolutely not shirk any of my obligations and responsibilities and if there's no one else willing to shoulder them, i wouldn't mind carrying that extra burden...
so pple like me r easy to bully and take advantage of? so u can change throw all the blame and everything on me and i'd not say anything? it's juz not my personality to argue too much and i tend to try avoid confrontations (guess that's cos i'm a libra?) so most of the time i juz stay quiet when i'm not pleased with something. really, the way i show displeasure is to juz keep silent and ignore others, but these r the times where i think whether it's necessary 4 me to actually show these pple that i'm no pushover. at least i can say that i've never been in a fight before and have been nowhere near one in fact except for that one occasion, and even then i'm not the one who thought bout blows first. i'm that sort of person who likes to keep a clear and level mind, who prefer to back off first... i've never been in a rage, and i hope i will never, but these r the times when i would have if i juz had a different personality. i dun wanna cause any rift of anything so i'd juz keep quiet, but at least i hope that others will give me a li'l basic mutual respect...
back to something milder, i sometimes wonder y i actually like debating and writing argumentative essays and exposition when i generally dun like getting into arguments and such. always when arguing in class i m the one to take that step backwards, consider others' point of view and see if mine's wrong... sometimes i hope that my personality's that li'l more stubborn and i'm firmer in my opinions. again, a libra trait, so i'm really starting to believe in horoscopes...
so, back to the big question of why bother... someone please tell me what's the point of everyting, why i'm doing these things, trying to be responsible and such when shirking them seem to reap better rewards... at least i still stick by my life philosophy 4 now, but meanwhile, dun go questioning y we have such apathetic pple in singapore when these supposed educators r indirectly encouraging it... at least that's the msg i've got from taliban...
first, let me get the gd things out first be4 i start complaining bout lots of things... the wonderful week seemed to have ended yesterday with the trip on the mrt home really horrible. couldn't get a seat, and was juz half asleep standing up and feeling juz plain atrocious. however, after getting to the cafe, ordered a double espresso, probably the strongest coffee i've ever taken. though it did take some time to really perk me up, i left the library feeling really alert and sharp thanks to the extra dose of caffeine. suddenly, everything seemed to look bright once again and it really looked like a splendid day 4 me then... also, thought i might not get to sleep at night thanks to that but guess it now proves my theory that caffeine doesn't really work on me in terms of helping me stay awake (though the only reason i could have lasted that studying was that double espresso). now gimme a triple espresso some time.
so things looking up yet again for the fourth day in a row, but things soon got to a turn... horrible PE... generally wasn't feeling too high already in the morning, but PE was juz a nail in the coffin. well, accursed terence volunteered our group to do the 'creative game' thing, and with no one else willing to contribute, i decided to brief the class while he went to take the things. so it started, with me going on with my stupid way of explaining things. taliban wasn't too happy it seems but at least nth wrong so far...
then the games started, and again no one wanted to shoulder responsibility. lymon and vinnie muz go away to train after failing their napfas, u can't expect aaron the apathetic to do anything and waimeng was, as usual if i was to say (no offence, though), more interested in playing. in the end, even terence decided he wanted to go join in the fun. so, nvm, i took decided not to shirk my duties and handled the officiating. turned out the rules didn't really work (well, i wasn't too impressed with the plan in the first place, but at least i thought they could pull it off) and everything was horrible. and to think we had such a long lesson and i had to endure that doing nth.
so, finally, at the end of the lesson, taliban was debriefing us. and my was i disappointed... disapointed with 'disappointed', if u know what i mean. sure, i have to say i sucked big time and juz wasn't up to it, but i dun think that 'disappointment' was just... it's one thing to point out what i did wrong (at least she did that in the end) but it's totally another thing to say u're especially disappointed in someone... and especially so if that someone actually cared and bothered and tried to do his part while others did not... i didn't think we did bad enuf to warrant a c mark as well, with her almost failing us... sure, it was horrible and all, but i thought at the end of the day a b- would be more appropriate considerning we did get things done, and done alrite.
but back to the disappointment... i'm not trying to restore pride to myself or blame my group members or anything, but i'm disappointed as well in her assessment. again i muz emphasize that i did not do the job properly, but to be most disappointed in me when there r two members who didn't even do a shit thing (guess i'm getting kinda emotional now... juz had an urge to type an expletive, and shit was not it) juz doesn't feel rite... so, lesson learnt? why bother... why care? why give a damn bout things when juz being plain apathetic can let u squirrel out of blame and everything... so y did i even bothered and cared? what's the point? shouldn't i juz let others do the things...
and that's well i'm really pissed off bout that. sure, she definitely didn't mean to encourage apathy or sth, but wat she did was as gd as that, at least to me. so, if i juz hide in one corner, not do my job and appear as if i'm not in the group and only turn up in the end i'd escape any form of criticism? if i try shoulder some responsibility this is what i get? so wat's the message she's sending? and she actually talked as if terence was the saviour of our group... as if i would have caused the team to fail and he helped turn the tide and we passed. sure, credit to terence for at least trying and he did a pretty gd job, but surely i didn't do that badly?
and now, i'm really seriously thinking y i should actually care nowadays... juz this yr i resolved to be 'pathetic rather than apathetic' but is it working? is it worth it? i'm mulling over whether there's anything wrong with my philosophy... it sounds gd enuf, and while i can still improve, i've pretty much stuck to it, so y does this things happen? i dun go round 'asking' for extra burdens, but at the end of the day, i believe that i should absolutely not shirk any of my obligations and responsibilities and if there's no one else willing to shoulder them, i wouldn't mind carrying that extra burden...
so pple like me r easy to bully and take advantage of? so u can change throw all the blame and everything on me and i'd not say anything? it's juz not my personality to argue too much and i tend to try avoid confrontations (guess that's cos i'm a libra?) so most of the time i juz stay quiet when i'm not pleased with something. really, the way i show displeasure is to juz keep silent and ignore others, but these r the times where i think whether it's necessary 4 me to actually show these pple that i'm no pushover. at least i can say that i've never been in a fight before and have been nowhere near one in fact except for that one occasion, and even then i'm not the one who thought bout blows first. i'm that sort of person who likes to keep a clear and level mind, who prefer to back off first... i've never been in a rage, and i hope i will never, but these r the times when i would have if i juz had a different personality. i dun wanna cause any rift of anything so i'd juz keep quiet, but at least i hope that others will give me a li'l basic mutual respect...
back to something milder, i sometimes wonder y i actually like debating and writing argumentative essays and exposition when i generally dun like getting into arguments and such. always when arguing in class i m the one to take that step backwards, consider others' point of view and see if mine's wrong... sometimes i hope that my personality's that li'l more stubborn and i'm firmer in my opinions. again, a libra trait, so i'm really starting to believe in horoscopes...
so, back to the big question of why bother... someone please tell me what's the point of everyting, why i'm doing these things, trying to be responsible and such when shirking them seem to reap better rewards... at least i still stick by my life philosophy 4 now, but meanwhile, dun go questioning y we have such apathetic pple in singapore when these supposed educators r indirectly encouraging it... at least that's the msg i've got from taliban...
