Monday, January 20, 2014
An impossible nut to crack
"It's not you, it's me". That is probably the right conclusion if so many different attempts over the past years have led to the same conclusion. A few things come to mind when I think of things I just can't get a handle on. I'm not touching those here today. I am, however, talking about research and I.
The foolish part of me just keep being drawn to the academic world. And make no mistake, there is so much knowledge I love learning about; I sincerely hope I will at least be able to keep up with some of it even when I finally can let go being a student and "contribute to society" at last. That said, when it comes to actually creating new knowledge, I guess it is an understatement to say that it has been an absolute disaster.
Part of it is just plain laziness. With the amount of sleep and free time I desire (can I say need?) to function properly I just don't spend a quarter of the time others do. And when you're putting in so much less time into it smarts doesn't really matter anymore (and not like I have an abundance of it either).
Then there's the question of setting up one's scope and all. I have no clue how that is done and attempts to get clues from others haven't gone too well. Which begs the question about communication skills or the lack of it. But that's something I guess I have grown comfortable with with myself so there's not much to go on about there.
Maybe it's also that bit of naive exuberance that is lacking. That sentiment is probably a bit too arrogant to harbor but it seems to be a recurring trait of many a great people. I believe only a small minority possess the necessary skills and knowledge to actually justify that confidence that they can do no wrong. Maybe what I think is healthy skepticism has become very unhealthy indeed. Generalizing to a larger context, perhaps "critical thinking" isn't that useful after all: having everyone think they are right but skeptical of everyone else may be a better model for advancement of humankind rather than having everyone second-guess each and every step. I sure hope not.
The silver lining behind all my lamentation is at least I have probably found something I am reasonably decent at and take joy in doing. Now as long as the ego stays in its rightful place...
(Backstory: how this post "spawned". It's interesting how once in a while you get what you think is a groundbreaking idea. I would dare conjecture that it's the closest I will ever get to a phd thesis worthy idea. And with a bit of Google search, you find out it's been done before. Well, that is pretty common (finding out an idea and discovering it has been worked on before) but it sure was something seeing Erdős' name on the paper. And it was only 50 years old! Oh well, these mental excursions (once every few years) are interesting and mostly fun at the very least. And I still have this unsolved problem of a window that blocks rain but lets in wind that will make me a millionaire to work on. Inspired of course, by wanting to take more pleasant naps!)
The foolish part of me just keep being drawn to the academic world. And make no mistake, there is so much knowledge I love learning about; I sincerely hope I will at least be able to keep up with some of it even when I finally can let go being a student and "contribute to society" at last. That said, when it comes to actually creating new knowledge, I guess it is an understatement to say that it has been an absolute disaster.
Part of it is just plain laziness. With the amount of sleep and free time I desire (can I say need?) to function properly I just don't spend a quarter of the time others do. And when you're putting in so much less time into it smarts doesn't really matter anymore (and not like I have an abundance of it either).
Then there's the question of setting up one's scope and all. I have no clue how that is done and attempts to get clues from others haven't gone too well. Which begs the question about communication skills or the lack of it. But that's something I guess I have grown comfortable with with myself so there's not much to go on about there.
Maybe it's also that bit of naive exuberance that is lacking. That sentiment is probably a bit too arrogant to harbor but it seems to be a recurring trait of many a great people. I believe only a small minority possess the necessary skills and knowledge to actually justify that confidence that they can do no wrong. Maybe what I think is healthy skepticism has become very unhealthy indeed. Generalizing to a larger context, perhaps "critical thinking" isn't that useful after all: having everyone think they are right but skeptical of everyone else may be a better model for advancement of humankind rather than having everyone second-guess each and every step. I sure hope not.
The silver lining behind all my lamentation is at least I have probably found something I am reasonably decent at and take joy in doing. Now as long as the ego stays in its rightful place...
(Backstory: how this post "spawned". It's interesting how once in a while you get what you think is a groundbreaking idea. I would dare conjecture that it's the closest I will ever get to a phd thesis worthy idea. And with a bit of Google search, you find out it's been done before. Well, that is pretty common (finding out an idea and discovering it has been worked on before) but it sure was something seeing Erdős' name on the paper. And it was only 50 years old! Oh well, these mental excursions (once every few years) are interesting and mostly fun at the very least. And I still have this unsolved problem of a window that blocks rain but lets in wind that will make me a millionaire to work on. Inspired of course, by wanting to take more pleasant naps!)
